We Are

I saw this documentary again for the second time tonight. I was able to see so much more then I was able to see the first time. We are all interconnected in a way that i had never thought was possible.. here is the trailer.

Exactly.

Saw a movie today... called Act of Valor. and it was awesome.  There was a quote in it that I had never heard....  its from Chief Tecumseh of the Shawnee Nation.
So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none. When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and nothing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision.When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home"

I like it.

Four Years.

Hey Everyone...
So yesterday I had 4 years of sobriety... this last year has gone by pretty fast. I had a pretty great day yesterday with friends...
I started this blog to be an essential part of my recovery. I remember early on in my recovery, like 2 weeks in, I wrote down a list of goals. One of them was to start this blog. It took me a little bit of time to do it... but I did. I am glad that I started it... because it will be a written record of how I felt on any given day in my recovery. My blog posts are fewer and farther between... but they sever the same purpose...  To chronicle the way that I am feeling on any given day.
Yesterday was a good day...

Gets me Everytime

Hey there everyone.
Just wanted to share a link with you. It is a site that gets me every single time. If I want to feel good and have a good cry... This is where I go.
The Welcome Home Blog.

Have fun everyone.

Explosions in the Sky. Mind... prepared to be blown away

Hey everyone..
So here is Explosions in the Sky. If you have never heard of them... then you are welcome. They have meant a lot to me since I got sober..  This was one of the first shows that I ever went to sober. It made me remember what it was like to really get taken over by the music. Music that really shakes the very foundation of everything that you are. I hope that you like it... even if you don't, you have to give them props..

Happy sunday everyone. and Explosions.. I will see you on April 16th.

Never Expected.

Sometimes there are things that happen in my life that I would of never expected. They just come by and hit me in the side of the head... really just come out of no where. I really can't explain whey they do what they do.. but I know in this sober life of mine these are things that I really should just expect to happen.
After all... I know that everything is happening to me for a reason. I know that somethings are good and somethings are not good... but they are happening to me for a reason. That is life.
I have been turned on my ear in the past week... and I will explain what is going on later on to you all.. but what I do know is that this is good. It is something that I would be a fool to pass up..

The Word, "Can't"

Sometimes i think that the word "can't" is in my vocabulary way too much. I catch myself thinking about it or down right saying it to myself. I know that it really just is a whole lot of fear that is churning itself around in my head. I know that fear is not the best thing for me.
My life is right in front of me.. .just ripe for the taking. I am an optimistic person.. and i always have been, but sometime i just think that i don't think that way. I know that my higher power has something that is in store for me. i have no idea what it is... but i know that there is something.

Oh, the Places You'll Go!

Hey All... Thought that you might want to see this. I think that it is truly magical. From 1999 to 2004 I went to Burning Man. Every year I went out to the Black Rock Desert and ran around on the playa with everyone. When I would be getting ready to go out there I would always have to plan exactly what I was taking. This would always include a very large supply of drugs and alcohol. Don't get me wrong... the desert did change my life. It was one of the single most important things to have every happened to me. It made me open up my eyes to some things that were bigger and brighter then I was. While I was there I was always trying to catch this dragon. The dragon was my very first high that I got when I was out there for the first time. It was something that was impossible to catch. I would spend a lot of time just trying to catch that....
This year I am hoping to go again.. and this time I am going to be clean and sober... and not so preoccupied.. There is a huge recovery scene that is out there also. I guess that it is a lot of people that are just like I am.
This year will have a very special place in my heart... and I can't wait. If you have no idea what the hell that I am talking about... just watch.
have a great night everyone... lots of love.

Nothing Could Be Finer

I am having a very good day today. Here are some pictures that illustrate the point.

Possibilities.

When I come downtown and there are alot of people around it just makes me think of all of the positive things in my life. Sometimes I seem to be seeing things from a place of fear. I know that it's not good for me to be coming from a place of fear. It's never good. When I am seeing what I am seeing now... It makes me feel good about things. I am much better for myself when I am positive.

Things that I don't need to understand.

I had a really great holiday. I got to see my family and all of the great things that happen when I am with them. I drove almost 800 miles over the course of 3 days, but it was well worth it. The drive was really nice because it gave me a chance to thing about somethings.

There has been a lot of things that have been going on in my life over the past couple of months. Major things have happened to me.... and I am just trying to get somethings sorted in my head. Long drives with great music help... sort things out. 

One of the awesome things that happened while I was down there was me seeing my best friend from high school. There are very few people that I keep in contact with from my days at Ventura High School.... let alone communicate with on a regular basis. Joe is the exception to this rule... we have been in contact pretty much constantly since we graduated high school. He is one of those people that I don't think I will ever not be in contact with over my lifetime. When ever we talk, and we haven't talked in awhile we are right back with each other... like we never missed a beat. He is getting ready to go around the world helping to do good. He is going to be building schools, teaching english, ministering... pretty much anything that needs to be done, he is going to do. Thats the kind of guy that he is. He gave up a really high paying job just to do something that is meaningful. Thats awesome. 

The other thing that is on my mind tonight is something that really throws me off.... Something that really perplexes me. Someone in my past that I love very much decided a couple of months ago just to stop talking to me all together... and I really don't know why. We were in communication with each other and everything was seeming fine, and then just one day.... it stopped. I know that she is ok because she is active on social networks and the such.. she just doesn't want to talk to me. Its just really strange to me, because it has never happened to me before. No one has really ever stopped taking to me all together.... ok, maybe there is someone else out there that doesn't talk to me. I know that I did something wrong with that situation... and i made a amends. 

Well everyone.... thanks for listening. Talk to you soon.
Oh yeah....today is 1400 days clean. 1400! Wow that is nuts. This time 4 years ago I was in a coma... times and attitudes change.... 

A Very Merry Christmas.

Happy holidays to everyone out there. This time of year I always have to think about where I was about 4 years ago at this time..... And that was in the hospital in a coma. I am grateful for everyday that I have in recovery.. Which is a couple thousand and counting. Much love to everyone. Keep the faith

I kind of want to throw up.

I have this pit in my stomach. Today is not going to be a good day. I wish that I could explain it all out to you but right now I just can't. My whole body is tired... and all that I want to do is sit down. I could just go back to sleep and try to just sleep through all of this. But it is something that I just can't sleep through. It is part of my life. I have to feel what I am feeling. Even though I really don't like it. My life is just not all peaches and cream.
Im feeling sick. I don't like it. I want it to go away.

Sunday Night.

AA Infograph.

Hey everyone... Just saw this and you know how much I love infographs... Also check out this site also.. http://www.rehab-programs.org/



Courtesy of Rehab Programs. Designed by Dawn Shepard

No One has the Right.

Ok people.. I have to say that I have not been the biggest Lady Gaga fan in my life... but I do have to say that there is something to be said for artists that use their celebrity for something that is good. I really don't have any patience or tolerance for anyone that bullies someone for the way that they are. When I was in high school I was bullied... but not because I was gay, but because I was small.
I have to admit that when I was in high school I hadn't been exposed to many different people. I was living in a town in Southern California.. and my head hadn't been cracked open by San Francisco yet... I didn't know the difference.. There were a couple of gay kids that were in my high school and they were picked on mercilessly by people in my school. I really wish that when I was younger I would of been one of the people that stuck up for them.
Well... here is a pretty awesome performance by Lady Gaga... she is singing about Jamey Rodemeyer.. a 14 year old that committed suicide after years and years of bullying. Here is a link to a story about Jamey
Good Night everyone...

Good Evening San Francisco

Beautiful Everyday Feeling

Today was another incredible day in San Francisco. It seemed like I got a lot done today. I had the day off and I wasn't going to waste it just hanging out in bed. I decided that I was going to go out and about and live a beautiful sober day in the City that I love.  One of the great things that I get to do these days is look at this beautiful thing almost everyday on my way to work... I took this picture and it is one of the best pictures that I have ever taken. It pretty much captures many of the things that I love about this bridge.. The people, the fog... and most importantly... the feeling.

Another Perfect Day of Life

Just wanted to try this new app out. Looks good

Home Again

Hello there everyone. I just wanted to share this with you. So I am back in the City that I love. I am back in the City that changed my life... a couple of times. I am also in the City that gave me my bottom. I have returned a much changed person... and the City has changed while I was gone. Seems like this place that I love is so much brighter now then it ever has been before. I am seeing so many new things that I never really could see before. Maybe it is like seeing the City for the first time again. I feel sometimes that I have the wonder of a tourist the first time that they ever see the Golden Gate Bridge.
All that I know is that I have grown so very much in the past couple of years... and I have my recovery to thank for it. The major credit has to go to my God... (my idea of a higher power). Really I didn't do that much... I just held on tight for the ride.
I am home again... seeing all of the great things that I get to see.