Good....

mush

So I have been really digging into the 12 and 12 in the last couple of nights. It seems that when Im down and I just want to communicate with my higher power....i can pray, or I can read the literature. The 12 and 12 is really the best thing ever. I am reading steps 3 and 4 right now. and I can finally really just start to comprehend them. after a year of soberity...alcohol and what it does to your body and brain...is crazy

It's Pretty Apparent To Me

I woke up this morning in my new house..and looked out at the the sun
rising over the Monterey Bay...and I just knew that my God has a plan
for me. After everything that has gone on in my life over the past
while...I know there is something. That is bigger then me ..and it's
not me

The Hayday...

I'm sitting in a coffee spot in Carmel. One of my favorites in the world. Right smack dab in downtown Carmel...my adopted little rich person town. I'm listening to some Carmelites talk about their hayday in San Francisco. And how the City used to be when they were there...kicking ass and taking names. They talk about their old haunts and watering holes...and it is really hard for me to not chime in. I just want to say...I've drank there, Ive drank there!! And almost every place that they mentioned..I had memories. Or lack of memories...
Then..my mind went to my last drink. And how scared I was to take it. How bad that I wanted it...and how bad I didn't want it. Knowing now about how much fear dominated my life....that last one was some scary shit! The rest of that day wasn't a picnic either. But I had to get through it.
I signed the lease on a house yesterday...i'm living with a good friend. And if you would of told me a year ago that I would have a full time job with the company that I do...and have a house that had the most beautiful view of the Monterey Bay ever...I wouldn't of believed it. Not for a second. The gifts of that last drink...I am a grateful alcoholic. Now I really know what that means.

Please and Thank Yous.....Thank You

When I was little one of the first things that I can remember my aunt really emphising was saying please and thank you. I remember how pointless that I thought that it was. How I thought that really had no point at all. I was really young and I didn't see the purpose. As I got a little older I really didn't see it because I was way too busy thinking about myself and how people saw me. I could care less about common courtesy. Then as things shook out further..and my head changed a little bit...please and thankyou took center stage. Just acknoledging the interaction with another human. And then thanking them for being a part of it is a really big thing for me now. It goes to show you just how much those seemingly small things really mean. I feel all mature...and that is something very new coming from this mouth. .

Recovery...State Wide

Wow...what can I say about this weekend. This was my second year going
to the All California Young People In Alcoholics Anonymous...and there
were
Alot of things that were different. The convention was really her
similar to last year...all of the difference was coming from me. I
know that God put me in the right place at the right time. I love the
convention for all of the really crazy and fun things that go on...but
I really love hearing from everyone around the state. And California
is a really big state...and so is her YPAA. There is so much really
great recovery here...so many great people to talk to..so many to
learn from.
Another sucessful year at ACCYPAA. another sucessful step in my
soberity...it was great to be here a year later...being able to really
relate and get alot out of everyone. Now it's time for the drive back
home.
I leave with a new zeal...at trying to finally rally the troops and
bring back the Monterey Bay Young Peoples In Alcoholics Anonymous.
With was incredably strong for many years...the 1972 ACCYPAA was held
there. And now there isn't even a YPAA. I have a feeling that is going
to change.

ACCYPAA 09

Good evening.

ACCYPAA 09

The All California Conference of Young Peoples in Alcoholics Anonymous
is about to get going. I'm on my way to irvine right now. I will be
throwing up pictures all weekend long.
Love all you guys...

Only Time Will Tell

Wow....this is my 100th post..I can't believe it. The time has really flown by...it is really amazing how all of this has happened. I can't really even examine the importance of this blog..and everyone out there in the blogging world. This has been such a key part of my recovery...I love reading other peoples blogs and how there daily lives are going. I love all of the great comments that I get from people that I would of never have known if it wasnt for this blog...I really love all of you guys..so I dedicate this post to all of you friends...

It Just as Easy...Could of Been.

One of those clear cut examples that shows itself..letting you know that you are exactly where you should be. But it just as easy could of been a whole lot different...just showed itself. As I was coming to work this morning...I saw an old friend that I had met while I was in treatment. Just about one year ago...he happened to be very close to me because we both had come in at around the same time. And we were naturally drawn to each other because we had both come back to the treatment center for a second try at it..both of us were equally beaten and broken. willingness and desperation was in no short supply for the two of us as we talked about how were were both going to change the whole thing...from the ground up. Change people, places and the things that we had no chance of controlling....a year ago.
He is at the other end of the spectrum right now. On the street....lower then ever before. and I can look at what a blessing that I have been given with my last year. A year of recovery...and i can reach out my hand and let him know that there is a meeting right down the street at noon.
I started to introduce myself as a grateful alcoholic...i am grateful for all of things that have brought me to this point. All of the decisions that I have made..with the help of my higher power and the people around me. Wow...how things can change all around you...and when it all comes down to it ...i have my recovery.

It Just Happens...

I want all kind of change. and I want it to happen right now. Not on Gods time, I want it to happen on my time. This is the way that my mind has operated for so many years now. Like i was the center of the entire universe. I learned that this was addict behavior...It was really my disease talking. I was told to start to do the footwork..and then things would just start to happen...
sometimes quickly...sometimes slowly...they will always materialize if we work for them.
But I had a real problem with the whold notion of having to work for them. I really wanted them to just materialize right now. Now I know that this is not how its supposed to work. That was not Gods plan for me...things are not supposed to work out exactly how I plan them too....
God is amazing...and I never would of ever thought that I would of been typing that sentence two years ago. but I know now that my God is a God of my own understanding...and dosent have to be like anyone elses...
People are coming back into my life..that I never in a million years would have expected to be. All of the things that I wanted to happen RIGHT now...they are starting to just happen....

Quite Content...

I have been feeling really quite content with everything right now...even right after my year. So many people advising me of how crazy and squirlley that you get after a year. None of that has really happened to me...but I was on the bus yesterday and i was thinking of the concept of serenity. Then i was thinking of the way that I have been feeling lately...content. The word serenity and my feeling of contentment is really one in the same.
So thats how its been...a little bit brighter...and when I really think about it...the sky is the limit.
In early soberity i told a really good friend that I respected that I was losing my pink cloud....and he said something to me that I will never forget....You don't ever HAVE to lose your pink cloud.
It really is up to me and my perspective...

The Healthy Ones

Never being able to form a healthy relationship with anyone...I
remember when I heard that for the first time in recovery I knew it
was all me. 100% Richie. I don't think I even knew the definition of
the word healthy...and there was no way I knew what it meant when it
was anywhere to the word relationship.
I am seeing something right now with the value of relationships..real
relationships ..that mean something. I'm seeing that healthy
relationships are the most important thing there is. Or atleast one of
the most important things. Other people that you surround yourself
with. Makes all the difference in the world