These are the times that let me know im alive

Hey there everyone. Another day in the sobriety of Richie Rich has come and is almost gone. Today started out pretty good I must say.. as I went to my local farmers market and did a little shopping for my self. went home and put all of the veggies that I had bought into a big pot and let it simmer. And then started to eat it... you know, like you are supposed to do when you make food. I wouldnt really know because I have never really made food for myself... so it was quite the adventure.
Then I got a phone call from my lady... and she had some thing that she wanted to talk about. And it was something that was pretty important... and I could tell that it was. It was about our relationship... and how intense that it was. and how early in sobriety that she was..
Something that I really did know was coming. but was wishing really wasnt.. I know that it is the right thing at this point.. but it hurts like a bitch...
I really opened myself up... and I am glad that I did. but with it being open... it is obviously very open to taking a hit.. straight on.
I mean I know how I was feeling when I was 6 months sober.. and I know that I was in no place for a relationship. but once again I thought that I was different. and once again this is God's way of telling me that I am not. and it is the check that I need I guess...
but it still hurts like a bitch...
I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now.. and it hurts. but this is what I get to see today... and I dont have to drink about it.

Sunset. I get to see this

do the work...

Wow... when I am not on top of my game I know it right away. when I am not doing what I need to be doing for me... it really really effects me. Something really small has gotten me kind of worked up.. and it really shouldnt have. the way that I am feeling reminds me of how I used to react to similar situations from my past.
I am starting work with my new sponser tomorrow... and I am really glad that I am. because it is not a moment too soon I must say. This is something that used to be commonplace in my life... a feeling that I was the one that was always right. Like I was the person that must always be heard...
and I know that this is not the case anymore..That there are for more factors at play now. and that this is not me now...I know that there is work to be done. and I am the one that will be doing it.

Which side are you coming from?

Something that I will always have with me from my second sponsor is.... am I coming at the situation from a place of love or a place of fear. That is something that I will always come in to play in my life. No matter where things take me.... Thanks Adam.

there comes a time..

today was one of those really big days in my sobriety... one of those days that really just should of happened earlier..
so in the last couple of posts i have been hinting that something was really pretty wrong with the way that I was doing things. I have just been sitting back and resting on my laurels for a long time.
Like classic Richie Rich fashion... I have made a situation a whole lot bigger then it ever really had to be. I pretty much dragged out something that really only should of taken five or ten minutes and streched it out over 3 weeks.. This overwhelming feeling of dread, fear and doom has been looming over my head like there was some cataclysmic event that was heading my way. Like something that was far worse then anything that I had ever been through before.
So... I took care of what was bothering me. I decided that I needed to work with a new sponsor. And I made it seem like I was breaking up with a high school girlfriend. I had done it before. I had changed sponsors before and I did the same thing exactly... except that my first sponsor was a little more scary looking then my second sponsor...
I went to a meeting at noon today... and right when I walked in I was asked to pick the topic and share a little bit. and that was God's way of telling me that i should shit or get off the pot.... so my topic was about fear. and that is what I choose to talk about... and many of the men talked about living in the now.... and I was clearly not living in the now. at all..
when I left... I knew that this was the time.
But when I finally stepped up to the place with a bat in my hand and did what I had to do... it was really easy. and my sponser totally understood what was happening..and we both knew that it was the right thing.
so now i am getting a new sponsor... and starting the steps all over again. and I am excited.

Suns out... its ALRIGHT

Good day everyone..
So heres the plan for today. I have the day off and I am going to turn the clock back. But don't be worried.... Im not going to turn it back that far. Im not going back to the days of day drinking and tripping over myself. No way... I am going to go back to just about a year ago. When I didnt have a real job... and all that I did was walk around my town, just walking and being really happy to be alive.
I am going to fill this days journey with pictures. Then I am going to talk to my sponsor.... and see what direction is in store for me.
Wow.... it's pretty nice to even have that choice today.
I have a really good friend... that is going away for a couple of weeks. and I really hope that she is going away for what I think that she is going away for. That would be awesome.