An Experience that Ill never forget..

I love being in the right place at the right time.. seems like I always used to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.. but that really has changed in the last 20 months or so.
Today I went to a local middle school and hung out with the kids for awhile. I was invited to talk to the entire school about my experience with alcohol and drugs.. and all of the stuff that comes with it.  I have known about this for awhile now so I really had time to think about it... and that probably wasnt the best thing for me.. today when I got up I was going over everything in my head.. and then I thought of it as if I was going to share in a AA meeting. With a different audience.. a very different audience..
I got to talk to alot of kids.. sixth, seventh and eighth graders about things that are really effecting them on a daily basis.. and if it wasnt effecting them yet, it was going to in the future. I really just forgot about all of that thinking and planning that I had done before speaking and just shot from the hip.
It was a very very memorable experience. and it is something that I will never forget. something that I will never forget is questions that these kids asked. Right to the point and really no holds barred. I was impressed..
Its just another example of the awesome things that I get to do because I am sober. Another beautiful day in sobriety...
Its a really awesome thing that Jake Glazier and all of the teachers at CMS have done. I am really stoked that they let me come and hang out with them...

News Story about my aloha homies.

So Easy I do forget..

It is really easy for me to forget what it is that I am doing here. I am here to do work.. and that is the choice that I made almost 2 years ago. And there is sometimes that I forget just how deadly this whole thing is to us. But tonight I had one of those moments that really slapped me in the face. and it always has to do woth a newcomer... someone that is fresh and new.. beaten and broken.. with that look in their eyes.. the thousand mile stare... looking out onto us.. for help.

That is the reason that I am here. to help others.. to stay sober and help others t achieve sobriety..

Im super stoked.. tomorrow... I get to go speak to an assembly of middle schoolers... about drugs, alcohol, and choices.. this is what i signed up for.. yeah... 

Its a Good Day...

Today is a great day... and I can feel it. It is different then any other day that I have had before.. and I know that you ask why..Why is this day so much different?
Today is my 30th birthday... and I am sober and alive. Never thought that I would ever be sober on my 30th birthday.. If you would of told me on my 25th that I was going to be sober at 30... i would of laughed my ass off..
but here I am. 30 years of age.. looking at the years in front of me with complete awe and wonder. I like feeling this optimism. I used to wonder what optimism felt like. I tried to manufacture it with outside things never know that all that I needed was inside of me the whole time. I was the one that had to let it out. I was the one that had to let it be seen by all... and most importantly myself.  i love what I see...

another complicated day... or is it.

Just getting up and looking around.. just thinking about how fortunate that I am to be alive and to be in the place that I am at. Went to my favorite coffee shop in my hood and all of the people there like me and don't want me to leave. That is a really nice feeling.. that people like you and want you to stay in their establishment. Yesterday was a pretty big day..I had it off and I really did nothing, except nap and putz around on my computer.
I sat on my back deck last night.. and looked at my world in front of me and I smiled, because I knew that everything was going to be alright. That I was on the right path and I was exactly where I am supposed to be.
Day by Day things seem complicated at first.. then I remember that I have God. and then it seems alot easier.

I just love this..

I am Glad that I have this..

This really is a way to live.. that is really the main thing that I have gained over the past 600 days of sobriety... thats right I have 600 days today.. I remember when I first heard someone say that this was a design for living. I didnt know what that meant.. but it made me curious. I thought that I had a freat way of living all along.. thinking that everything was really alright.. then the wheels came off of the thing..
The reason that I give this entry the title that I did is that I really AM glad that I have this program.. because I dont know where I would be if it wasnt such a major part of my life. I think that I would be drunk or even worse... dead. Today was a pretty hard day at first.. I woke up and I was really out of sorts. I didnt know which way was up. Thinking about alot of the things that have happened in these 600 days and for some reason a dark cloud settled over my head... and I was off to work. Work is a place that I cannot afford a black cloud over my head... so what did i do. I relied on my higher power.. and I said a prayer. For him to take it.. and he did. the rest of the day went very smooth like.. and when I could feel myself getting a little crooked.. i just looked outside and closed my eyes... and said a prayer..
i am glad to be here.. and I am glad to be alive. and sober. love you all

It Could be the Little Things.

It really is the small things in life that are the best. I would have to say that I have been looking forward to this day the most out of any day on my entire trip...and this is something that I would of never of wanted to to before. Unless there was alot of alcohol involved.
Last night i was up at Grant Park in my hometown.. and i was talking with my brother about what Ventura means to us.. and how he wants to raise kids here.. I was thinking that it was a really great place to live. Now I really didnt have Ventura to high on my list during the last 11 years or so.. I really is just because of the place that I was at in my life. I always thought of it in such a bad light. Well I don't anymore... its a good place for family.
I am glad that I am here with my family...

I'm on the train.

I'm on the train.

Moving away from my current home. Going to my very first home... The
place where I grew up. The place that I knew first.. And the place
that I tried so damn hard to get out of. And really for no reason. It
never really did anything to me. It was just the teenager in me.
Growing up right next to the beach was never really a bad thing. I can
say that I took it for granted. Going to high school about a mile from
the beach.
I just never wanted to go in the water. It never really appealed to
me. Now it does and I wish that I would of started earlier.
So here we go. Just like my trip to Portland.... This is a vacation
for me. A vacation for my heart and for my soul.

Back to the Hometown

Tomorrow I leave on a train for my hometown.. I havent been down there in a little bit, but I am really excited to go. To really just hang out and see my family. See what they are doing and really just to be with them..
It a whole new world with my family back in my life. They were really never that far away.. I just made them that far. I was the one that put up the wall between us. It was a really big and tall wall...
They were always right by my side when I needed them... when I really needed help they were right there. I will always be thankful for that...
So for the next couple of days I will be posting things from my childhood.. and from the world that is Ventura, California.... some of my favorite places that i havent been to in a long time...

the Moments.

I just saw this... and it really struck me. The day to day things that we just roll right over and forget. We just move on to the next thing. I forget to take the moments for what they are... they are my life. 
I have been reading a lot about Positive Psychology recently.. and it really is amazing me. I never new that the study ever existed.
I am going to be mindful today. Taking everything in and trying not to take anything for granted..
Have a great day everyone 

times. like these

I have used this title before. but today I knew that I had to use it again..
One of my really good friends just had their first child.. a true miracle.
Its not enough that my friend and his wife are miracles in their own right but their baby... that is a true testament to what can happen to you in this life..
Things like that had never really even crossed my mind before.. well they did.. but it was always followed with the thought of how i would fuck the whole thing up. Now I can think about it in a different way... like some day I will be able to be right where my friend is.. I have always wanted to be a father.. it has always been a dream of mine..
So one day.. its going to happen. I know it is.. and that is something that I would of never of been close to if it wasn't for all of this happening..

Yesterday