Life as I know it

There are a lot of things that are happening to me right now. Pretty much everything that is happening is a good thing.  These are things that I am ready for.. parts of my life that are ready for a change. A good friend of mine said it pretty well.. that i am in transformation.

I can feel that I am breaking out of something that i have been in for the past couple of years. We will see what happens... but i can feel that there are very good things that are happening to me.

I feel that when I surround myself with amazing like-minded people that only good things can happen.... or at least productive things can happen.

Exciting times my friends.. exciting times.

Shooting Pictures

As you can see I have been shooting a lot more pictures lately.

I know that it is the best thing for me. It always seems that when life is a bit more raw I seem to be more into expressing myself through photography.

Here are a couple more that I took. I have been editing shots that were already on my memory cards that I just had not gotten to yet.

Night Time.. its my time

Hard Mornings

Everytime that I wake up I think of her.

No matter what I do I will wake up with the taught of her and it makes me really sad. I know that I will pull out of it and by the time that I am ready to go to sleep I have been in a much better place for almost the whole day.

Usually after I write something down and then really think about it I start moving in the right direction. I woke up with a headache this morning.. for no apparent reason at all. I hate it when that happens.

I don't remember if I had a dream about her last night.. but that has been happening a lot. I know that this will get better but it is not a fun way to start my day.

Each morning does get a little better. I know that I am moving in the right direction... and that this is where i need to be doing what I need to be doing. I am growing as a person.... and that is important. I just wish that my heart would not have to suffer for it.

That Kind of Day

Today is a writing day for me. There are a lot of days that have become that for me.

I know that writing has saved my life on multiple occasions. At least it has saved my sanity more then once. I feel that I can write things down and take the power out of them. When all of these thoughts are just sitting in my head I am on dangerous ground for sure.

I go to a coffee shop and start writing. Usually I try to just write in streams of consciousness because it really shows what is on my heart.

For some reason I have never been able to look back on them... I have this fear about them. I don't know what it is all about but today for the first time in a long time I looked back on something that i had written in September.... and it was almost identical to what i am feeling right now. I was in the exact same place.. knowing what I had to do. The path was so well lit in front of me and then something else decided that it was going to be there turn.

I am ok with the something else.... I would not trade it for the world but I know that I got sidetracked from what was best for me.

I went a saw one of my best friends a couple of days ago.. this is someone that has known me for a very long time... and has seen all of the stages that i have gone through in the last 10 years. He told me something that I already knew but I just needed to hear from another person. I needed to hear it from someone that I trust and respect. It put me back on track... right where I need to be.

I love how my life is like that..... having people in my life that can just be present... and help me steer the course.

Nice Little Packages

I have been thinking a lot about many different things lately.  My head has been moving in different directions..  different thoughts and different emotions swimming around in there and sometimes if feels like I don't have any control of them.

Yesterday I was in a meeting and something just struck me. It was the beginning of the meeting and we were reciting the Serenity Prayer...  I just really started to think about the words and how they applied to me.

Every single word of that prayer had a direct impact on me and those words just kind of flowed over me like water...

God... grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change... the courage to change the things I can.. and the wisdom to know the difference.

It pretty much covers everything in just one long sentence. It covers everything that I am thinking about in once nice little package.  All of the things that I cannot change but I want to have have control over... like that control is going to change the outcome of anything.

I am leaving to go see a dear old friend of mine in Oregon after work today. I am pretty excited to go because I have not seen him in like 8 years or so... that is way too long.

Letting Go

Easier said then done.. for sure.

I have been thinking about the Third Step a lot lately.. a lot about the third step prayer. I have been having a lot of troubles letting go lately. There are somethings that I am holding on to... very tight. Well less tight then I was a couple of days ago.

I know that this is the key and that it will get better as the time goes by. I still don't have to like what is going on even though i know that it is the best thing that can be happening to me right now.

Having to let go and give up the power that I had taken back from my higher power is something that I don't like doing. Even though I know that this is essential for my ongoing health and happiness.

I go on tangents in my head about what is happening in the other persons life... and if that person still cares about me. If that person still loves me.... and all of that stuff does not matter really because I know that whatever is going to happen is going to happen. I have so much evidence about how that person feels about me... based on the things that have been said to me and what that person has done for me.

These are the things that go through my head.... less and less as times go by. There are things that make them pop into my head without warning. Like going to the movies by myself...and going to the town that the person is from.

The third step is essential right now in my life. Giving up the power...