When All Else Fails

When all else fails I need to remember that my higher power loves me and that I need to be grateful. I live in a beautiful place that not many others live in. I live in a place that others dream all of their lives to live in. And really this is where I ended up. Sucks to be me, I know.
I live by the ocean. On the left side of the country... I get to see the water everyday.. After my morning meeting I usually drive along this really pretty road in my town. I call this drive my "God Drive". It's something that came from my first sponser when I was first getting sober. We drove down by the ocean and we looked out onto the water and realized that there had to be a God because there were things in the sea that would eat us. And really the name stuck for me. I make the drive a part of my day when I have the time after my meeting.
Like in some of my earlier posts I wrote about how I get kind of funky sometimes.... Well this morning I was getting kind of funky so I decided that I was going to go on my God Drive and I really am glad that I did.


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Location:Scenic Rd,Carmel,United States

You can Learn Alot.

Tonight I have been having one of those evenings that I know God is talking to me.. and for the first part of it I really wasnt listening.. not hearing a word of it at all.
It all started with something not happening the way that I wanted it to... and I felt like I was owed something. Like I was the one that was entitled.. but thats not the way that it was supposed to happen.. and I was really very bummed about the whole situation...
Then something happened that I really wasnt expecting.. at all. I encountered someone from my past on facebook. Someone that I owed a HUGE amends to.. it was one of those amends that was one of the first that you wrote down on your 8th step.. yeah one of those.
During the last year of my drinking I was a real ass to one person in particular. Actually I was a selfish ass to alot of people, but I was a complete douche to this person. I knew that there was going to be a time in my life that I was going to have to say something to this person because with her I went way over the line... but as an alcoholic, it was a classic case.  To me I was the victim of the whole thing.. and she was the problem. Not the copious amounts of alcohol that I was drinking on an hourly basis... no it could never be that.
I remember when I was sitting in rehab... thinking about all of the shit that had happened.... one of the first concrete things that I can remember thinking was... i really owe her an amends. I was the problem in every situation that I was in.. I was the common denominator... and with her, I had my first evidence....
.
so.. thanks God, for guiding me through my night. Everything happened exactly how it was supposed to..

When you Get Kinda Funky.

I just have to remember that there is someone out there that is watching over me.. and has all of this planned out. It seems that sometimes I get on my pity pot and think about all of the bad shit that has happened.. Then I really take a good look at it and there really isnt that much bad that has happened. When it comes down to it there is almost nothing. It must just be my alcoholic brain that is telling me that there are grey clouds everywhere.
Then I remember that baseball season is right around the corner. I know what some of you must be thinking.... "Baseball, how does that fit in with your life, Rich"
Well it means a great deal to me. It has become a part of my existence really. A vital part of the fabric that has become my life. It gives me something to look forward to daily.
I realize that I have alot of things to look froward to daily. Each and everyday. I just have to remember what there are and I have to have faith..

Faith... without works is dead

I really don't know what I would do without faith. Really just knowing that I don't have the answer to everything is really very comforting.. things would be so much more difficult without it..
Here is a quote that I got from a friend...
"I am learning to shut up more in the presence of God"-Archbishop Desmond Tutu
I thought that it went well for today...

Friends.

How valuable are real true friends. The kind that really are there for you and honestly care for you and your well being. I have people like that in my life.
Today I went and saw one of my closest friends and he gave me an awesome present. A present that will be with me forever. One that I can't lose... A present that is a constant reminder. A reminder that exists as a moment in time.. Tattooed on me for all time.
It's a pretty awesome present.


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It's Really Not About Me

I do know that everything happens for a reason. That is very much something that I do know and that I do respect. Sometimes you wish that it was you that decided what should happen and why. I know that I would fuck it all up anyway so it's good that I'm not.
One of my friends.. actually, my ex-girlfriend, just got engaged. and you know what my first reaction was when I saw the news...I was disgusted in myself for letting her get away.. I shed a little tear. and then turned it into a couple of second of self pity..
I guess that it was my right to feel that way for a couple of seconds.. like i had lost something. Then I just had to crack a pretty big smile.. and realize that it's not really about me anymore. I used to think that it was all about me..
I still have to feel that I missed out on something truly magical. But I know that there was so much between me and that magic. So much that had to be removed for me to even be healthy... but I recovered now.. and my eyes are open...
Im very very happy for my old friend.. thinking about her being happy makes my heart smile.. and thats what life is about.

Don't sweat the technique.

"Make the Difference" : MADSTEEZ from MADSTEEZ on Vimeo.

Shots for Today

Thought for the Day

Just thought that you guys would like this.. from todays Daily Reflections

May I always remember that the power within me is far greater then the fear before me. May I always have patience, for I am on the right path.