1826 days is five years.

When I look back on the last five years the one thing that I know to be absolutely true is that I am an alcoholic... and I will never be cured of this disease. One of the first things that I can remember learning in the Beacon House was that this disease was a chronic one. It was something that I would never get rid of. I learned that the disease that I had was a fatal one. It was always trying to kill me.

"Rich... you are never alone because you are always in the same room with a person that is trying to kill you... don't you ever forget that"... this was something that was relayed to me very early in my sobriety by Mickey P. When I really thought about that statement it made sense to me. I am different and I know that. I am not like the normal people that can just enjoy one drink or one drug. I want all of the drinks and all of the drugs and I want to know where the backup stash is in the house.

This entry into my blog will be published at exactly 8:30AM on February 26th of 2013... exactly five years ago I was walking into the office of my intake counselor Dana at the Beacon House in Pacific Grove, California. All that I can remember about that morning was how overjoyed I was to be getting back into the house. I knew that for me... the House meant safety and it meant relief. I was tired of running and I was tired of living the hollowed out shell of a life that I was living. I was ready to try this again and I was ready to do whatever was necessary to start living my life again.

Drugs and alcohol were the most beautiful thing in my life for a long time. They had done the trick. They had helped me suppress, transplant, substitute or downright avoid my life for years. They were just what the doctor ordered.... Then came the time when they started not to work and my defenses were starting to crack. I started to get scared and figured that the only way to solve this problem was to blame everyone and everything other then myself for my problems.... and to drink more.  When that did not work I figured that the only way out would be suicide but I knew that I would never be able to do it  and I really didn't want to die. I was exactly where I needed to be to do what I knew that I had to do.  The  Big Book describes this in Chapter 11 in a Vision for You.

"Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end."


I have this definition of desperation written in my Big Book... I believe that I was given a "gift of desperation" and it is what brought me to the doors of the Beacon House.

"Desperation is the feeling that you have when you are in such a bad situation and have no hope that you are willing to do anything to change that situation"

I was ready to change that situation. It only took being close to death twice in a two month period for me to realize that I had been given this gift and it was mine to receive.

I credit the Beacon House and its staff for helping me to see that there was sunlight out there and that I could feel its warmth. The Beacon House holds a very special place in my heart because it was the place where my life changed. Every inch of my being changed when I walked through those doors and accepted the fact that I was an alcoholic and that I needed help. I was willing to do whatever it took to get out of the situation that I was in and I did not want to go back.

I also credit the Beacon House with introducing me to Alcoholics Anonymous. AA would be the vehicle for the change. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have AA. I have gained a new way of living that has become the foundation of my life. It is the way that I think and deal with every situation that I come across. It has introduced me to the most amazing people and has shown me the most amazing experiences in recovery. When I thought that my life was over when I entered recovery it was AA, and those people, that showed me that my life was only beginning.

Now 5 years later I can look back and feel that the best years of my life are ahead of me and not behind me. I know that this optimism and love for life that i have are a direct product of my recovery and that decision that I made 5 years ago to go back in the Beacon House and surrender.

My life has its ups and its downs... but these days I have the choice. It was a choice that I never had before because I was locked in a life and death struggle. I am still in that life and death struggle... but now I have friends that have been through it before with me.... and that is all I need.

Thank you to the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, the Beacon House, my family...... and most importantly... my Higher Power.

This quote pretty much sums up my experience over the past five years....

“Hardship may dishearten at first, but every hardship passes away. All despair is followed by hope; all darkness is followed by sunshine.” Rumi

My Friend Tim.

What a day today has been....
Today I lost a very good friend. Someone that was very close to me even though I only knew this person for about 8 years. I guess that is a pretty good amount of time now that i think about it....
Really, its not about the amount of time that you know someone but the impact that they have on your life....
This person had an impact on my life. He was one of those people that always made you smile when you saw him. He was one of those people that was living life with zest... When I saw how he was doing it I wanted to emulate that. I wanted to strive towards that.
That is how I am living everyday of my life.. With my friend Tim as the example.... even when he was not in the best mood he was always open to talk to me about it. This was the kind of person that Tim was..
We lost a really good friend today... Someone that I will never forget... my heart never forgets someone like Tim.

Rest in Peace my friend... you are at peace now and you are looking down on us laughing... with that big smile on your face.

Welcome to Treatment

Here is the second part of my story...
As I read over this again I realized that I did not write a third part. Well.... we all know how it turns out. I will see you all on Tuesday.

I am going to post at 8:30am on Tuesday... that is my official sobriety date and time. That was the second that I came back into the Beacon House for the second time. That was the exact moment that I knew that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Welcome to the House...you'll fit right in.

Welcome to the House...you'll fit right in.I was introduced to the Beacon House the hard way..the same way that
so many others have been introduced to it. Helped right up the front
steps,on their knees, by their perspective addiction. For me...alcohol
was my drug of choice.
I had never even heard of Pacific Grove in my life. Sounded like a
fucking retirement colony to me. But that's where I was headed that
day. Straight up US Highway 101.....to butterfly town USA.
The first thing that I can remember was the fear that was running
through my body as I got out of my aunts car and walked on to that
curved walkway up to those fateful steps. The front parlour will
always have a very special place in my heart because that was the
first place I ever met my counselor. And this was where my initial
assesment was done. To me,on that day, I thought that I was staring
down the barrel of a loaded gun.
This was the first time I ever heard the term "toxic." I was very. .
My body was a stagnent collection pond for all things awful. My skin,
my mind, and my life were yellow.
I had no idea what I was doing, and I needed help. And I would soon
learn that I was in the right place.
I had never experienced anything like this in my entire life, and boy
was I scared. I had no idea who these people were and I didnt know
what they wanted from me.
Prior to going into the hospital I really didnt know what detox was
either. If I would of known what it was theres no way in hell I would
of wanted it. But obviously, that all changed. Thank god.
I would say that my biggest problem (other then my constant intake of
alcohol) was my sleeping patterns. I would drink to sleep.
Correction....I would drink to pass out. Then when I woke up again,
usually in a couple of hours, I would need a few swigs off the bottle
to get back to sleep.
This had created alot of anxiety in my life. Everyday I would think
about what it was going to take, that night to get me to sleep. And it
would rule me.
So from the start...I was in a bad mood. I was in rehab for christ
sake. I didnt have to like being in the present situation. I knew deep
down that this was the place I was supposed to be. So you could say
that I was a little resistant to my treatment at first. I was all
about fighting everyone and everything. I thought that I was a smart
guy. I really thought that I was going to get through all of it...all
on my own. I had all of the life experience necessary to get through
rehab and emerge meraculously cured on the other side.
I was misrable. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. All of my emotions
were on a constant roller coaster ride that I had no control over. I
would cry at the drop of a hat. My only saving grace were the people
that were around me. My constant interaction with other people on a
group level. I had never been through anything like this before.
Sharing my thoughts,fears,pain, and hopes with these people that I had
really just met. These people were to be the basis of my treatment.
I think that one of the many great things that the Beacon House gave
to me was a seed. That seed was called Alcoholics Anonymous. I started
attending the mandatory meeting of AA everyday while I was in the
House. And I really did not care for it at all at first. I didnt like
the people. I thought that all that it really was, was a giant whinner
congregation. People that got together to discuss how much it sucked
that the couldn't " handle" alcohol anymore. What I failed to see then
was how crucial a role Alcoholic Anonymous was to play in the
resurection of my life.
Now..throughout my entire stay at the Beacon House, I had it in my
head that I was going to go back to San Francisco and be able to
return to my old life. Do everything that I had done before....except
not drink. I wasnt ready to let go of my old life. I was going to be
Richie Rich...the powerful and very "sober" bartender. This was a very
deadly fantasy according to all of the staff, my family,friends, and
all that knew me and cared about me. I would show them. I would be
different. I would be able to be in the barber shop and not get my
hair cut.
So...on January 30th, I coined out of the Beacon House. All bright
eyed and bushy tailed with all of the best wishes of the staff. And
with all of the love and support of my house mates.
I was ready to do life the right way....my way. Little did I know that
day that I was going to be coming back up those steps less then three
weeks later. Beaten and broken...with my bushy tail right between my
legs. And time there was no "my way"
This disease is a bitch. A bitch with no cure. A bitch that wants to
kill me. And a bitch that almost did it......twice.
Well everyone. That's the end of part two of the story. My fingers
hurt again..and I like it.

So Many Miracles.

This is the last weekend that I have before my big 5 year anniversary.... So I wanted to share the very first post that I ever made on this blog. The blog that I started a little under 5 years ago. I remember when I had the idea to start writing this blog. I knew that I wanted to do it for a while but there was something that was holding me back. I know now that it was the fear that I had been carrying around with me for so long.

I came to believe in a power that was greater then me. For so long I really thought that I was the ultimate end and beginning of the power. 

I was in my old bar tonight.. celebrating a birthday with a friend and we were talking about some of the old people that were in our lives back then. There are some that I can remember and then there are some that are distant memories that have faded with the time that has gone by. Some people come up in conversation or cross my mind.... and I know now that they too are sober. This makes my heart smile because I know what it has done for me in the past 5 year... so I can only imagine what it has done for them.... 

So here it is... the very first post that I ever made on this page. It was the beginning of everything for me. It was the start of a journey that my heart had to take. I am so glad that I took the first step. 

-Part 2 of this story I will post tomorrow night. 

Thursday, May 15, 2008

so here we go...a first time for everything

Hello everyone...
my name is Richie...everyone calls me Richie Rich..ever since i got out of high school. and the name just stuck to me. like rye bread fungus..it has become part of my identity so to speak..
well...here it goes..
I'm and alcoholic...a huge alcoholic.
and i know this to be a fact..I know 4 things for sure..
1.There is something greater then me..
2. I am not that something...
3. I'm going to die someday...
4. I'm an alcoholic...
so what I'm going to do is use this here blog as a daily sounding board for my recovery. what ever helps me can also help you. for me its all about communicating to other alcoholics and addicts..
I have almost 90 days of sobriety...this is the longest that I have been without a drink in more then 10 years..oh yeah..I'm 28 years old.

here's a little background about me..
I grew up in a city in southern California..Ventura to be exact. had a pretty normal upbringing..well no that's a lie. Lets just say that addiction is a mainstay in my family..my mother and father were both addicts..my mom died sober in February of 2007. and my dad is 9 years clean as i write this..but you all know us...that could change at the drop of a hat. its always that close..
had my first drink at 15 years old...hated it. but thats what everyone that was cool was doing. so i did it also. because i wanted to be cool..high school went by. basically cheated my way through..met a girl. and moved the hell out of southern cali. next stop...beautiful Hayward, California...went to college there. concentrated on hockey and lacrosse and not really on school...
smoked alot of pot...its nor cal. were good for that shit..
one year later...is when my life changed forever...and my heart and mind opened to a whole new world...The City and County of San Francisco.
this is where the story really begins. because it was in The City where is say everything start to unfold...
did some jobs here and there...trader joes..drank beer with co-workers. smoked with co-workers..did cocaine for the first time with my supervisors..
I started to get really interested in the underground music scene in The City. and me being a people person i made friends really quickly..so my life became all about where the next party was. who was throwing it. who was playing. who was going to be there. and how much shit was i going to need. or was there going to be an easy way to get it...and i always had a way..
so drugs were what was going on with me...alcohol was always there but wasn't the dominating thing that i was soon to become...
so i was always out there somewhere...i was known as the person to call to find out about what was going on in The City at any given time. i was also the person to call when you need to particular thing that you needed at that particular time...if you know what i mean. i was always right there in the middle of it.
so i decided that i had had enough of this menial labor grocery bull shit and i wanted to move on to something bigger, brighter, and better. and i needed more money for drugs and booze. and i needed to be the party...so i needed to get behind the bar. bartending was the ticket for me....next stop....party. and i was in charge...
so i became part of a wonderful group of people that i still do this day love and adore...these were the people that were to become my family...
so when the constant drug use started to bite me in the ass and really effect my day to day life...i thought to myself..well screw this..this is taking away from my quality of life. I'm going to stop...and I did. No more cocaine....except every few and far between...blue moon kind of thing. (hey im an addict)
but drinking...that was part of my job...part of my life..social life of the party was i
a couple of years started to go by...i mean fly right by. and there were large parts and details of these years that icouldnt remember...
there were some people that were very close to me that i treated very badly...ones that really loved me. and I always had some problem with them...there was always something...call it my impatient attitude..
my mom was diagnosed with cancer of the liver...after years of drug use and the sort...so what did i do...oh, i just continued everything just as if nothing in the world was wrong...even though i knew that things were not going to get any better really...my drinking was escalating..and i didnt give a rats ass...i was entitled to my booze. it was my right...
this is what i did..i was the life of the party. the center of attention....thats what i did. i drank. that was me...
my mother died Feburary 13th, 2007. and i couldnt handle what was going on around me...but i managed to try to keep it straight. but there were those that were close to me that we starting to be able to see that something was wrong...and i didnt care.
i was the life of the richie rich party...that was me. thats what i did. i drank....
i was starting to be not the richie that i used to be...impatient, abusive, argumentative, brazen,confrontational, not reliable....that was what was starting to happen...
and that was only the mental things....the signs of the immanent demise of my body were starting to come around...
my skin and teeth were starting to get yellow..and i didnt care. i wasnt eating...there was no alcohol in food..thats what i told myself..i thought that was funny...i was not sleeping. or if i was it was for about 3 hours at a time...and then i would need alcohol to get back to sleep...
and because i was so "social"...i would have to go to my local bar...(that opened at 6am) to get me that couple of drinks to get me back to sleep...to get me right.
so my family in The City were starting to get a little worried...i had really created a monster. i was in a really bad relationship that was helping with my panic attacks...which i went to the emergency room for on a couple of occasions..
My family back home in Ventura were getting worried.this included my little brother..his new wife and her family (now my family) and my aunt..they couldnt see me because i was up north but they knew that something was very wrong...i never called. i would go a month without checking in with them...

so the holidays come in the latter part of 2007...and i go home to ventura to visit. i look like total and complete stomped on shit..
i manage to steal wine from my aunt to try to get myself to sleep on christmas day night...the night of the 25th..thats when it came at me with full force...
that night..with my aunt in the room sleeping on the couch, i had a detailed interaction with a number of people in my room...people that i thought were there to do harm to my friends and family. they were as real to me that night as if i was standing next to you having a conversation...my aunt being right there assured me that i was just imagining all of it...but they were there..i was sure of it.
they were trying to kill me...set me on fire. i could feel the flames..and hear them laughing at me...pouring beer on me as i burned....
i think that it was time to go to the hospital.....think that would be a good idea.
next stop...Cottage Hospital in Santa Barbara. my dad had told my aunt that cottage had the best detox program around...
do this is where i have no recollection....none at all. super blackout big time...
i woke up 3 days later....in the ICU at cottage. in four point restraints...iv's sticking out of both arms...in a hospital gown...hooked up to monitors
a nurse came in to check on me...and i said hello...being the nice guy that i am, you know. she asked me if i remember anything about the previous days events...and i said no. i noticed that the nurse had a bruise on her arm...i then learned that i had given her that bruise.
I had become extremely combative when i was brought in to the er...assaulted numerous nurses..doctors and other er staff. i was shocked...i could of never of done that. but i did.
the senior doctor on staff that night...who had been working in the er for 15 years told my family that i had a 20% chance of making it through that first night. 20%....
i had gone through what the same doctor called "the worst case of delirium tremens that he had ever seen" that night...i was on my death bed.
but thats what i did...i was the life of the party..i drank.
well fuck that....not anymore. i was in the hospital for a total of 9 days...spent my new years there...watched the ball drop in time square on a tv room my bed...

next stop...The Beacon House for in-patient treatment...
so thats where i will stop at right now...my hands hurt. im not used to typing this much. but its a good kind of hurt...dont worry ill post again soon...
to be continued....

Perfect. #morning #instamood #light #love #sanfrancisco #sfcitylife #golden #goldengate #bridge #icon #icanseemyhouse #photooftheday

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Will and Life

I went to a pretty awesome meditation tonight and really enjoyed it. This is something that I would of thought was completely foreign only a couple of years ago.... tonight is was just right for me.
After the meditation we went into a discussion on the third step..... giving my will and my life over to a power greater then myself.
A great point was made that I used to turn my will and my life over to something all of the time. Even though I always thought that I was in control. Alcohol and drugs had me completely by the neck... all of the time. It was something that is very obvious to me now but back then it was not very apparent to me.
I have a new awareness that I never had before. Maybe it was because I was able to sit mostly still with myself for 20 minutes. I have to be appreciative of this disease that I have because it has led me to things like I was a part of tonight. It has opened the door to a whole different world for me.

I used to think that quitting drinking was death... but then again.. death is but a door.

Pretty Lady. #goldengatebridge #goldengate #grace #beauty #sanfrancisco #marincounty #fortbaker #daysoff #love #instamood #starfleetHQ #sfcitylife #mylifeinpictures #anythingispossible

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The Range of Emotions.

Today was quite the day.. I would have to say. I have not had a day like today in quite a while. It took me across the entire range of emotions that I could feel. I went from inspiration to dedication... to frustration.. to indignation... to procrastination...  then work ended and I saw one thing that just about set me on fire... and not in a good way. It was something that was very small but it brought back some of the feelings that were filling me at the end of last year and the beginning of this year.

I saw one picture of a small piece of her arm and that was all that it took. I let this feeling last for about 30 seconds... and that was too long. I stopped and I said a prayer.... and shook my head back and forth. You know, the way that who shake your head when you want to snap out of something. Then just like that I was right back into gratitude and ready to do something good for myself.

I ended up taking some pretty amazing photos that I am going to edit tomorrow.

The thing that really held a lot of power, and put me right back into gratitude today was going to a memorial service for an old friend of mine that had passed away at the end of last year. I had not seen this person in almost 8 years and had not talked to him since I was in treatment. It was a gathering of many people that I used to be very close with more then 10 years ago but when I started to bartend and got out of that circle these people just fell right out of my life.

It was the end of one stage and the beginning of another stage. It was the natural progression of things.

It was great to see these people... and the time has passed and it has changed not only myself.. but these people. I can sense that I will not be strangers with these people for another 10 years. I don't think that I do that anymore... I want to have these valuable people in my life.

The really amazing part of the night was thinking about my friend who had committed suicide and that we were having the memorial for. He was someone who had had their fight with alcohol... and in the end it was the thing that took him out. I never knew just how major a part that alcohol had played in his life but all that I could keep thinking was that I could relate with him. I could see how that this could of happened because I have been there. I never got that close to committing suicide but I could understand how he could of gotten to that point.

I miss my friend. I miss the guys smile. It always seemed like this guy was smiling and living life. There is another side and I know what that looks like. I am so grateful that I saw that and I decided that I wanted to go another direction because I could just as soon be right where my friend is.

I pray for my friend... I know that he is at peace now and that he is smiling.

It's As Simple As That

Today was a was not that different then other days that I have had in sobriety. I was inspired by the sights, sounds and feelings that were around me. I was inspired by a piece of music that I had heard in a movie that I had seen the night before. I went to the movie by myself... just the way that I like it sometimes. I will have a link to it below...



The way that it moved my emotions from one end of the spectrum to the other is something that never really happened before. Maybe it did happen... I just don't remember it every happening.

Now it is an essencial part of my life. It helps me to see the beauty and the optimism of the world that its around me. Even when there is ugliness and bitterness throughout it.... sights and sounds such as these are what my life worth living.

Now this is something that happens on the regular if not everyday. Something that I cannot live without  anymore.

Here is a post from the past five years that pretty much says everything that I want to say about the subject. It puts it perfectly.

Friday, November 13, 2009

today

Today is inspirational for me.. I don't know why and I dont really care. All that I know that I feel this way and I never used to.

After Midnight in The City. #sanfrancisco #longexposure #lazyshutters #goldengate #goldengatebridge #icanseemyhouse #love #mycity #suspension #sfcitylife #landmark #instamood #photooftheday

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Right Now. 12:38 am. #sanfrancisco #goldengate #goldengatebridge #prettybridge #love #beauty #lazyshutters #longexposure #instamood #photooftheday #landmark #icanseemyhouse #sfcitylife

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Pointy. #sanfrancisco #columbus #northbeach #landmark #love #sfcitylife #beauty #building #instamood #photooftheday

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Years.

Here we go with the second edition of this trip back over the past almost 5 years of my life. I do a lot of comparisons of my life in recovery with my former life. I think that it is good to really dig down deep and see all of the little differences between the two.  It makes me very appreciative of all of the things that I have now.

So here we go with a blog post that I published... right after my first belly button birthday in recovery.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Happy Birthday to Me...

I had my first sober birthday in a very long time..like since I can remember. The history of my birthday has been one that was soaked with alcohol...
I found that the greatest thing that happened to me on this birthday was all of the love and support from everybody thats around me. It really makes me realize the importance that my life plays in the lives of others...that my life really does make a difference.
Towards the end of my drinking...I really didnt see a reason for me to go on. i know now that this was the alcohol tainting my life...but the only way that I can describe the way that i was thinking was...sickness.
Another year has come to me...and this is a very different one. This is going to be a year of clarity..and a year of differences...

I am always coming back to the word...gratitude
I am so glad that I am sober...and that my higher power has given me what he has given me. and all of the people that he has given to me..I can't imagine my life any other way. especially the way that it was..

Happy Birthday to Me.

Bright Dome. #city #cityhall #sanfrancisco #citystreets #night #civiccenter #mycity #sfcitylife #love #heart

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Downtown Bound. #downtown #sanfrancisco #MUNI #mycommute #sfcitylife #instacanvas #instamood #transit #sfmta #muni

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Two Weeks Away....

God willing... two weeks from today I am going to have 5 years of sobriety. I know that you are not supposed to say that before the thing happens.. ..... but I know who I am. I know that tomorrow I am not going to have a drink... and hopefully the day after that I will not have a drink either.

It's so crazy to me that I can say that now. Just like it is second nature to me now. I remember when I first heard in the Big Book that I would recoil from alcohol like from a hot flame.... how distant I thought that was. How I wanted that so much.....

What I am thinking about doing over the next two weeks is re-posting some of my favorite blog postings of mine from the past almost 5 years. I think that it is a good idea and it makes me look back on some of the vivid moments that I have captured over that time.

So here is my first one. I think that it pretty much captures it.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Let's Get this Show on the Road.

So today I have a day off. I am pretty excited about the whole thing... really I am. I love my job, but a day off is quite beautiful. I am heading back up to the City of San Francisco for the first time in awhile.. I am going to be staying with my big sis up there.. So tonight should be a really good night.
Today in my morning meeting we talked about gratitude and where you are now. I felt compelled to chime in and offer my two cents about the whole thing. I described where my life has taken me in the last two years and how much that it means to me.

Its funny sometimes. Somebody asked me a couple of days ago why my life revolves around AA and recovery. This person wasnt in recovery obviously and didnt have any kind of program. To them AA was kind of a burden that you had to graduate from. I have heard from alot of wise people that AA I will never graduate from. There is always something to learn. I don't think that I ever want to gradate from this school of spirituality and nice slow geologic change. I quite nice where I am.. and I love where I am going.

Here is the link to the page

Get to work @joshua_lloyd #selfie #backtowork #itsearly #me #instamood #instacanvas #love #sfcitylife #justanothertuesday

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One Track Mind. #sf #sanfrancisco #thecity #sfcitylife #photography #instagood #instamood #photooftheday #marketstreet #mylove #love #ferrybuilding #iconic #fmarket #muni #transit

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All Roads Lead to Somewhere. #sanfrancisco #sansome #marketstreet #downtown #financialdistrict #urban #city #westcoast #morning #love #sfcitylife

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I Brake for Sunsets..

To me... it is very crazy how things can change from one day to the next. Sometimes you have some kind of hand in the change and then there are other times where you have nothing to do with the change that takes place. I have had both in the past couple of months......

I am going to concentrate on the change that I have had my hand in. These are the changes that I have made in my life over the past few weeks...... like getting all into photography. Being able to record and image, a moment in time... forever, is so very powerful to me. Something that I have always wanted to do...  and now I have.

It is keeping me sharp... helping me to learn new things that have a profound effect on my life everyday. These small moments mean so much to me because they are giving me time to myself... they make me appreciate the power and the effect that they have on me. I love them...

I love the excitement of taking a bad ass photo and being so proud that I was the one that was behind the camera. I was the one that saw that moment for what it was and was able to bring out how I felt when I saw it on film. That is rad.

Well... here are two photos that I took yesterday. I hope that you enjoy them just as much as I enjoyed taking them.

 This weekend has been pretty damn amazing if you ask me. I have been able to see some very good friends of mine and be with their daughters...  perfect.

Give a hoot. Don't Pollute. #goldengatebridge #sign #irony #sanfrancisco #bridge #love #sfcitylife

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The Rock... Of my heart. #alcatraz #island #sanfrancisco #baybridge #bay #water #love #beautiful #mylove #myhome #sfcitylife

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directions

Sometimes you are ahead.. and sometimes you are behind, but the road is long. Thank God for that. Today I got a tripod and it has taken this new passion of mine to a whole new level of creativity. It is so crazy to me that I have tapped this new found creativity inside of me. It is something that I always thought that I just didnt have.

I have had a tendency to just shut things off without fully investigating them before I shut them out. It feels like I have always done this. The fear of failure is something that I have always been scared of. If I am not the best at it then I really do not want to play.

Well, I have been really trying to change that in the last couple of months. I have been trying some new things and I have been putting myself out there. I have even been writing more on this here blog. I think that I have written more in the past 2 months then I have ever written before in a month.

It feels good to have this outlet. It feels good to have the ability to move through these things. It's really all that I can do right now. I know where I am supposed to be going and I am moving in that direction...

Cable Car goes out. #sanfrancisco #muni #cablecar #californialine #longexposure #love #sfcitylife

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Cable Car Comes in. #cablecar #muni #sanfrancisco #transit #californialine #worldclass #love #style #grace #sfcitylife

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The F Goes By. #longexposure #downtown #sanfrancisco #sfcitylife #sfcitynites #love #beautiful #transit #muni #Fmarket #theslot

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Traffic. #longexposure #downtown #downthemiddle #theslot #marketstreet #love #sanfrancisco #mycity #sfcitylife #ferrybuilding

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She is ready. Well maybe in an hour. #niners #superbowl #dogsofinstagram #richmonddistrict #sanfrancisco #540club #nfcchamps #love #sfcitylife

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Game Day. #niners #sfunite #gameday #superbowl #beautiful #love #sfcitylife #marincounty #questforsix #nfcchamps

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Ready to pop. #sfunite #sfcitylife #canon60d #marincounty #sanfrancisco #goldengate #goldengatebridge #landmark #love #mycity #mylove #myhome #mycommute #questforsix #49ers #superbowl

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This town is ready. #sfunite #sfcitylife #niners #superbowl #love #marincounty #westside #questforsix #neworleans

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The Company that we Keep

Another day in this beautiful life of mine. I am headed in a positive direction and I love how it feels. I was talking to someone tonight that is in the same headspace as I am. Those are the types of people that I am trying to surround myself with.

I just wanted to check in with everyone. If you are getting something out of this blog or have been following it for a long time please let me know by commenting on some of my posts or you can send me an email at thesociety@me.com.

I hope that everyone is having a great night....

Beat That. #sunset #sunsetdistrict #sanfrancisco #oceanbeach #sfcitylife

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Damn. #sunset #sunsetdistrict #sfcitylife

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