The New Home...

Last night was my first night in my new house. I slept there last night before my roommates.. it was a really great feeling to wake up in the new space because it has so much more light then my old place had. The old place really looked like it was right of Boogie Nights with the shag carpeting and the wood panel walls.. It made the place so dark and really left the room lacking. I really never thought of it as home because it really wasnt.. It just didnt have that feeling.. a feeling of familiarity that a home is supposed to have..
I got a promotion at work. One that I have been working for.. for a long time. And it feels really good. I finally feel like I have an adult job. At least thats what my brother says...
Overall.. I am moving right along. I feel that things are moving in the right direction. Things in front of me are very bright..

Playing the Tape all the Way Through.

So this is what I had to start my day off with today. A feeling of freedom that I enjoy these days.. Wondering what I would do without it. Sometimes I feel like I am and progressing.. and then there are some days that I think that i am regressing. Like I'm at the same place that I was before, with the only exception being that I'm not drinking.. Yesterday I had a pretty big craving for alcohol after I left work. I wrote about some of the other stuff that had happened that day.. but I really didnt write about the craving that I had.. It was very real. It was the normal everyday reaction that I would of always had back in the day.. alcohol fixes everything. I was driving down the main street in my town... it was pretty late.. on a Sunday.. pissed off and Sunday.
I played the tape out to the end.. and I knew where it would of led me. Right to the end. So that didnt happen.
God provides me with exactly what I need. Because I really have no idea.

A Day for the Ages..

Today was one of those days.. and I don't really know why. It really started off just the way that any other day would..  I had somethings that had to be done around the house.. Oh, did I mention that my roommate and I are moving. Yes we are moving.. we have been in our place just about a year..and the owner of our house is selling the house. Thats how God wants it.. thats how it goes.. Today was a moving day... so I got  to hang out with my roommate's family.. they were helping us move all of our stuff and I was very thankful for that.. but its what happened when I was in the process of going through some of my old stuff that was to shake the first part of the day.... I looked down on the ground.. and was looking right at a little unopened baggie of fucking cocaine. I couldnt believe it.. i stared at it for a long second, and I kept telling myself that there was no way that it was what i thought it was... but it was. I promply flushed it right down the toilet. And went along with my day.. but I had no idea just how a bag of coke got into my room. I dont even remember the last time that I bought cocaine was.. I think that right at the end of my drinking i was trying to buy cocaine from someone..  but there it was... and now, its gone..
Then after that I was just in a pretty negative mood, I could feel alot of fear just building around me. And I tried to say a prayer, for God to take it away from me.. I let it go.. but then took it right back later in the evening while I was at work. I let some things just get to me, all of the same feelings of inadequacy were right there. They really didnt feel that good. I felt uncomfortable, I could feel my face getting red and hot.. and I just wanted to leave. I got the chance to and i did. Now I am writing this in my blog and I am feeling a bit better.
Lately the fear has been creeping in.. and I am almost to 2 years. i think that I should be going to a meeting tomorrow.. very much so. Thanks everyone for being part of my strength and part of the solution. Because there is a solution today..

the Rain is coming.. I can feel it.

The rain i just on the horizon.. its supposed to be pouring for the next week where I am. I am looking forward to it. I usually do. I love the changes that come with the weather.. This just change right in front of me..
These last couple of weeks I have been preparing for a couple of big things that are going to be taking shape in my life.. and the only reason that they are happening.. because I am sober. I took a pretty big step yesterday in my journey.. and I said a nice prayer before I went in to do it.. and I knew that my God was right there with me.. I could feel it..  something big is coming.. and I am glad that I am here to see it.

Another chance. Another Way

I remember writing something while I was on my way out of treatment for the second and "i hope" final time... it had something to do with being able to finally be who i was meant to be.. without all of the other stuff that was involved...now I am standing here almost 2 years later wondering how the heck I ever did it that way for so long... but it had to happen that way, for me to really appriciate all that I have right now. That was the way that it had to go.. and I am really glad that it did..
This week I am doing some preparing for some really major things in my life... well I think that they are major, but in the grad scheme of things they really arnt that big.. because no matter what happens I know that I am exactly where it is that I'm supposed to be.. and thats all that matters. SO Im just going to put it all out there and see how it goes..

All the Rage..

Hello there everyone..
I just wanted to share with you guys this picture... I havent seen it in a very long time... it showed up while I was cleaning out my car today...
Thought it was pretty funny... I'm all the rage with the older crowd..

So I have had two days off.. and it has given me sometime to just sit back and relax.. stop for a second and smell the roses..
back to work tomorrow.. I'm in in for the home stretch..

Hopes and Prayers

So here we go with another year. A new decade. This is the decade of my 30's... And like I've said before I'm pretty happy about that. I can't wait for this decade... Because it's my decade. Well really it's everybodys decade... I wish the best for everyone... And unlike the last new decade, I don't have ill will for anyone. I have to remember not to get caught up in the future or the past but in what's going on with me in the here and now. I know some people that are going to be bringing a new life into this world in the new year. I know alot of people that don't have a job in this new year. I know some people who are right back in the cold this year... I remember where I was at 2 years ago... And where I am at in this new decade. I am very glad to be here.