Devastation

It has been a couple of days since my major life event and today has been a REALLY bad day. I really don't know how to explain it.... I have had a couple of good days and then a couple of really bad days...  but today really just takes the cake. I have done everything in my power to make myself feel better today. I had a whole bunch of sleep and I ate this morning.. but that was not enough.

I am so heart broken. so so heart broken. I am trying to deal with it the best way that I can.... but it really sucks and there is nothing that I can do about it. It is not my fault. Its never my fault. There is always some outside force that is effecting me and my heart... and this is no different.

Today started with me waking up from a dream.... and then sitting up in bed. I could not get back to sleep ... or at least it took me a long time to get back to sleep. I just keep going over really stupid tangents in my head.

Yesterday was a really good day. I was doing all of the things that I needed to do... and today is shit.

I know that it will get better.. but i think that it is going to get worse before it gets better.