Next stop...

I'm on a train right now. Cal-train to be exact. Just left San
Francisco, my old stomping ground..the town that I painted red..the
City that game me my bottom. The place that got me here. Six months
down the line.
A couple of hours ago..I was on a train much like this one..on my way
to the City.
One that ride I remembered the last time that I was on a Cal train. I
was about three months from hitting my bottom. And I was full-blown.
I had been hanging out with a friend down in Santa Clara and was on my
way home. And I couldn't wait to get there. I was having some pretty
bad panic attacks on the train and was withdrawling pretty hard. I was
desperate for a drink. It was all that I could think of. The only
thing that my mind could see. My face was pressed against the window
of the train trying to catch a glimpse of a beer neon, some drinks
smoking, a bar sign....any think that would help my mind with a drink.
I needed something...anything.
The ride lasted about an hour and a half. Pure fucking agony.
I had a map of the closest bars and exactly how long it was Goingbto
take for me to get there. As the train got closer to the City my
heart started to race faster then it ever had before. I needed off. I
needed booze.
As I finally got off all I could keep thinking of was how good this
drink was going to taste and why were these people moving so damn slow.
I power walked towards the closest bar...trying not to break into a
full sprint because I thought that was pretty pathetic.
I finally got to the bar. I will always remember it. And the ease that
it brought to my heartrate.
I had a shot. a beer. And a breath.

Then I stepped outside. Into the chilly San Francisco day. And my
heart began to beat faster. And my mind started thinking about the
next drink. And the next bar. And how long it was going to take me to
get there.

At that moment I knew that this was never going to get better. And was
I was on a one way path. And this was going to end all bad...