The Brothers..

What a great day to be sober.. today and yesterday.
I don't know if any of you remember last year when my little bother and I went to two baseball games in one day..
Check out last year
 Well, it was so much dang fun that we decided that we were going to be doing it every year. So this baseball season we were both really excited. Its a great chance for us both to just hang out with each other and talk about the things that really matter in both of our lives. Talk about all of the things that are shaping both of our days... Its just a great time to be together.

Like last year we decided that we are going to do it again next year, only this time in Southern California. We are going to be going to a Dodgers ( BOOOOOOOO) game and an Angels (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO) game.
So that will be really exciting. I love being sober... and having a great brother.

something precious.

Today has been quite the whirlwind day.. It started off just beautifuly.. went out to breakfast with someone that I really admire and respect and had a great conversation about God.. I just really wanted some help with nailing down a good concept of my higher power..
Like I have said before.. I know that there is a God, I know that I am not that God.. but I really needed some help from someone that knows more about the subject of spirituality then I do..
because there is something that I have come to learn.. that quiting the drinking isnt the reason that I am here.. I know that there is a bigger plan for me in this life. I know that he has something much bigger for me.. I am here for the spirital side of the program now. I really want to take that next step in my existance.
The whole day was going great with that.. then I took the picture that is above.. awesome. Listening to the baseball game. Well.. lets just say that we were on our way to a victory.. and then with one little mistake the whole thing slipped away.. and i sent me into a little baby tizzy. Not half as bad as it would of been when I was drinking..
I wouldnt be speaking with anyone for the rest of the night.. or until i had enough to drink in me and all of the shit talking was done. Then... I would be speaking.. I was not the best person to be around when the Giants lost... and towards the later part of my drinking, they lost alot.
But.. whatever, thats over. And I have had a great day. I have learned alot today...like

Recovery is regaining something precious that was lost..

Plans.

The last couple of days has been somewhat of a real test for me.. I can't really put my finger on what that test is.. but I know that God is putting things into my life that I need to see. I know one thing to be very true.. and something that I have learned in the past couple of years of my recovery.. there is a plan, and I am not in charge of it..
Somethings happen that make me wonder about the plan..
Two nights ago... right about this time.. two girls died in a car accident in a town that is very near to mine.. there wasnt any foulplay involved.. but two really good girls lost their lives. I didnt know either of them.. but I could feel their loss from people around me. So in turn I felt the loss. I felt the loss as a human on this earth..
like I said... I know that things happen for a reason, but what is the good reason for these two to have lost their lives. I guess it is something that I will have to wonder about, and write about. In the end it is not my question to answer. All that I can do is to prey for the knowledge of my higher powers will for me.. and thats all..
Well.. and I have said prayers for those two girls.. may they both rest in peace..

Dear Expectations. You Suck

Yeah I know what you are going to say.. if you don't have expectations then you will never get hurt. In my life that is really very hard to do. Especially when the person that you have set the expectations for is someone that you really care about and is pretty close to you..
It was really pretty amazing how worked up I got last night when a friend of mine flaked on me.. after doing the same thing over two weeks ago when we tried to do the same thing. I mean really, two times in a row. While it was happening I was trying to tell my self.. "no way, not two times in a row".  But yes, that is exactly what happened...
But then at the same time.. I went to sleep last night actually in a pretty good place. The reason for this was that I had to remember that I am not the center of the world. If this would of happened a couple of years ago I would of retaliated against this person.. and that would of meant that I wouldnt be talking to that person again.. Well I guess that is how all of this goes... and I am not the center of the universe.

In other news.. I am going back to the health class that I spoke two a couple of months ago to tell my story... Its really nice because I get to tell the shock value story.. and not the recovery based story. Now don't get me wrong. I love to tell that story but I tell it alot in meetings. So this one is the real down and dirty of my addiction... and it gets really scary for people who have never been presented with it..
Thanks for listening.. it has been a little while since I have written. I am back though...