These Are The Time

These are the times. The times that I remember how it used to be and I am very thankful for what I have. I am so glad that I have learned the importance of gratitude in my life. It is the foundation for so much of the way that I see things. I can look at something and almost all of the time I can see the positive side in it. I guess that I can see the glass half full.
Right now it is Christmas Eve and I am all alone in my room. Just thinking about all of the gratitude that I have for my life right now. Earlier I was feeling myself slip right into a bad place but I was able to get myself out of it. It is getting easier to do that as time has gone by since my break up.

Sometimes I think that I might just be being way to public about the way that I am dealing with the whole situation. Really, I think that is the right way for me. Sometimes I feel that nobody wants to hear me bitch and moan about it anymore.... but my friends are more then that. They are there for me through thick and thin... or atleast most of them are.

These are the times that I remember and am grateful for my friends and my family. Well... it's time to start my second movie of the evening. It's called Polar Express and I have heard that it is a great holiday movie.
Merry Christmas to all of those that are reading this.... and to all of those out there that are still suffering... I offer my love and prayers for you. I hope to see you soon and share some of my hope with you.

Music is Everything.

Right now its all about the music for me. It is one of the things that has gotten me through alot of the rough patches.

I am on a Post-Rock kick right now because it really just makes me feel positive. The sound is intense and just feels like a wall to me. It is driving and just makes me want to keep on moving forward. That is what I need right now is something that is going to help motivate me.

This is a band that I have just discovered. They are from Sweden and they kick ass.

One Door Closes.. Another One Opens

So that was it. That was the end of that entire chapter of my life. It was a chapter that I though was going to last a whole lot longer. I wanted it to last forever. Things are not what they seem. Maybe I was just in love with the idea of being comfortable.
I think that I was really in love with that idea. Someone to be there for you for the rest of your life. Maybe its just too good to be true. No.... its not. It is out there somewhere.

Today I was feeling pretty good about the closure that I had experienced the night before. I was not feeling really good about the way that the entire thing ended. I said somethings that I really should not of said, but I just really wanted them to be said. I think that it was just my heart lashing out. It was a place of power that I had not felt since the whole break up. I felt that I was moving backwards when I did that. I felt that I was going back to some of my old behavior patterns.
I had a long talk about it when my sponsor and I have gone to a couple of meetings and talked about it. It is something that I am really not to proud of it and I do not think that I will have the opportunity to make an amends to her.
What I do feel really good about is the notion of being by myself for awhile. I really have not had the opportunity to get to know myself in the last couple of years. I have not been alone and right now I am very alone.
Today was a new beginning. Things are looking very bright. I am going to leave you with an amazing poem that I have carried close to my heart for the past couple of nights.

"Hardship may dishearten at first, but every hardship passes away. All despair is followed by hope; all darkness followed by sunshine."- Rumi

Small Victories

Sometimes it just takes a little. Sometimes it just takes a little bit to make me feel like I have had a good day. 

I have had a lot of not so good days lately, so today I got a small victory. I can't really describe what it is to you in this blog but lets just say that it is something that elevates a lot of anxiety from my shoulders. 

Tonight I am going to be celebrating by posting this video... but really it is this song that I want you all to hear. I have been getting into a lot of post-rock lately. It is music that makes me very happy and makes me feel inspired.