Progressive? What does that mean?

Progressive? What does that mean?
My road to recovery..part 3

When I finally was on my way back to San Francisco I was talking to
one of my best friends. She is my sister from another
mother..basically. She was voicing her concerns about my wanting to
return to my job at the bar. I had my heart set on getting back behind
the bar almost the entire time that I was in the Beacon House. That
was were I thought that I belonged. An intergeal part of my identity.
Something that defined who I was.
So thats exactly what I did. I couldn't wait to be the sober life of
the party. Show everyone that I could do it..no matter what anyone
said. I was Richie Rich...I could do this.
My very first shift was none other then Super Bowl Sunday 2008. I
managed to stay without a drink that day eventhough my team ended up
winning the game. ....and I am an alcoholic, I'll use any excuse to
get my drink on.
So for the first couple of days I stated true to my promise of going
to ninety meetings in ninety days. I would end up going to meetings
across town and make up reasons why I didnt like them. When I did go I
would always focus on the differences and not the similarites. It
seemed like all that I could make good on was making excuses. I didnt
have a sponsor, so there was no way in hell that I was working the
steps.
My mind started to run around in circles again. I was surrounded by
people that could drink like I wanted to, but had proven that I
couldn't. They were having that fun that I longed for once again.
I went down my street to another bar that was close to the one that I
worked at....and ordered a shot of Jamason. Irish Whiskey. That was a
very wierd thing for me because I had never ordered it before. I felt
as though there was some catching up for me to do. Something deep down
inside me knew that this was all bad....and it would only get worse.
And it did.
From that point on it all started again. This time it was happening
much faster and much sharper. There was no uncertinty like there was
before. I knew exactly what was going to happen. I knew my fate. This
was not good...