Momentous

So yesterday.. when all of the stuff that I have described earlier was going on I got a text from a new friend.... someone who I had never met before but I knew that they were already a friend.

It was someone who was asking for some support and love so that they could get sober. Of all the things to happen to remind me of my primary purpose on this planet... that happened.

To Stay Sober... and to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety.

Yep that pretty much describes everything in a nut shell right there doesn't it. When someone reaches out I want my hand to be there. It was a total God Shot for me... right when I needed it. It would help take myself out of my own head and focus on someone who needed help.. amazing.

I remember when I was trying to get sober.. and the people who's hands were there were the people who were the ones that I would always look to.

I have a really good feeling about this year. I think that there are going to be some major life changing events that fill it. Like they do every year... this one is going to have more of them with even more of them being significant.

There have been many ups and downs this year. Different people have crossed my path. Even a very special one... I don't know what is going to happen in the future and I have no control over it.

Here is to 2013 and what it brought me... who it brought into my life. Here is to the future and all of its blind beauty... it keeps me warm.

The Society of the Second Chance.... 2.0

There has been a lot of things that have happened in the last week that I feel that I have to talk about. I was just thinking about this as I was talking to a very good friend of mine.... I have evolved and so should this blog. My recovery is my life.... but it has brought me so much more now. I want to share that with the world and I think that sometimes I forget that and let fear just take over everything that I do. So here we go...The Society of the Second Chance 2.0.

Above is my very latest shot. I have not even put it on my photography site yet. So you are really the first people to see it. I am a big fan of the over saturation of the colors because it emphasizes my favorite parts of my City... the night and the lights.

This last month has been one of the hardest and most personally fulfilling months that I have ever had in my life. I lost a relationship but I did not lose a friend and that is the first time that has ever happened to me. Usually I am the one that cuts the other person off and just walks on hoping that I do not run into that person for the next year or so..... but this one was different and I am so glad to still have that person in my life..

Usually the month after a relationship ending for me are what I call "Throwaway Months".... because I just go into a place where I will do anything to make myself happy and feel better for that month. Usually what that means is just spending a lot of money on myself and hoping that it will make things better. The month of September was something of that for me... but I went back to what worked for me after the end of my last relationship... and that was concentrating on the health of my mind and body.

I started to work with my trainer again... something that i had stopped doing over the past couple of months....  here is a link to his site.  His name is Tim and he is a bad ass.. yes a bad ass in that he is a martial arts instructor but more so he is a really great person with great energy and that is why I was drawn to him... Peace of Mind SF

I also started doing something else that has had a profound impact on my life in just the last week.... I started going to yoga sessions at Yoga to the People in Berkeley and San Francisco. I have been told by people in recovery and by people that I love and respect that I would flourish with yoga as part of my spiritual practice.... and they were right.  I worked through the fear and just did it and it has changed me. I knew that it would it was just a matter of me walking through it. Once I worked past the fact that I really didn't give a shit about what people thought of me and what i looked like.. I was good to go.

I am getting way to old to care what others think about me... and I think that this break up has really solidified that in me.

Yoga to the People is really great because I do not get the feeling in there that anyone is judging me or that I should be doing something different. Every teacher that I have had over the past week really makes it a point to make sure that everyone feels comfortable in whatever they are doing. No matter what level of experience anyone has... they just want to make sure that everyone is safe.

Check this video out from Yoga to the People... they turned off embedding... so you have to go to YouTube to watch it.



I have also been back in contact with someone who means the world to me. She is someone who i first me while I was in treatment. We meet as she was coming in... and I had about 3 days of sobriety. So glad that we have gotten back into each others lives. We never really went anywhere I just think that it took time and circumstances for us to get back in touch. Thanks to her for lighting a fire underneath me to get back at this blog... something that i have been thinking of for the past couple of weeks.

Well... there you have it. That has been what I have thinking about over the past week. In the next couple of days I will post about A Day in the Life of me right now..... I think that it would be interesting and be pretty good therapy for me too.

The Range of Emotions.

Today was quite the day.. I would have to say. I have not had a day like today in quite a while. It took me across the entire range of emotions that I could feel. I went from inspiration to dedication... to frustration.. to indignation... to procrastination...  then work ended and I saw one thing that just about set me on fire... and not in a good way. It was something that was very small but it brought back some of the feelings that were filling me at the end of last year and the beginning of this year.

I saw one picture of a small piece of her arm and that was all that it took. I let this feeling last for about 30 seconds... and that was too long. I stopped and I said a prayer.... and shook my head back and forth. You know, the way that who shake your head when you want to snap out of something. Then just like that I was right back into gratitude and ready to do something good for myself.

I ended up taking some pretty amazing photos that I am going to edit tomorrow.

The thing that really held a lot of power, and put me right back into gratitude today was going to a memorial service for an old friend of mine that had passed away at the end of last year. I had not seen this person in almost 8 years and had not talked to him since I was in treatment. It was a gathering of many people that I used to be very close with more then 10 years ago but when I started to bartend and got out of that circle these people just fell right out of my life.

It was the end of one stage and the beginning of another stage. It was the natural progression of things.

It was great to see these people... and the time has passed and it has changed not only myself.. but these people. I can sense that I will not be strangers with these people for another 10 years. I don't think that I do that anymore... I want to have these valuable people in my life.

The really amazing part of the night was thinking about my friend who had committed suicide and that we were having the memorial for. He was someone who had had their fight with alcohol... and in the end it was the thing that took him out. I never knew just how major a part that alcohol had played in his life but all that I could keep thinking was that I could relate with him. I could see how that this could of happened because I have been there. I never got that close to committing suicide but I could understand how he could of gotten to that point.

I miss my friend. I miss the guys smile. It always seemed like this guy was smiling and living life. There is another side and I know what that looks like. I am so grateful that I saw that and I decided that I wanted to go another direction because I could just as soon be right where my friend is.

I pray for my friend... I know that he is at peace now and that he is smiling.

Have you ever just wanted to........

Quit your job and just be without a job for awhile.

I know that there are people out there that would think that I am crazy for even thinking about this. There are so many people out there that do not have jobs or are having a very hard time finding them. I understand this. I have been working really non-stop since I was 15 years old.

I have a friend that saved up a bunch of money and then just quit her job because it was not moving her forward in life. It was not adding anything to her life except the paycheck and a headache. She was in the same business that I am in.  Just talking to her was very inspiring to me because I see so many people around me that do just that. They can just change things on a whim and move in another direction. I know that I am that kind of person. I know that there is something else that is out there for me when it comes to making my living.

I have another friend that used to be a bartender in San Francisco and is now photographing weddings and travel layouts for big magazines in Vietnam. How cool is that? These are people who are following there passions.

Then I think to myself.... at least I am starting to explore some of these things for myself. I have started to progress and do things that I have always wanted to do but was always to scared to do.

Part of me is very comfortable where I am right now because I can live how I want to.... and then the other part of me knows that there is something richer out there for me. Something that I would never ever experience in my comfortable world.

Tonight just got my mind thinking and moving. I love that. I love hanging out with people that are thought provoking. Those are the kind of people that I want to be around.

I love my friends... and I love my life.

Building a Home

You know when sometime you just know. I have known people that told me that you just know when you know. something that just pokes through the fog and is just so obviously to you. Like it was there the whole time.... it just needed time for you to see it.  There were things that just needed to happen for it all to become clear...  time just need to have its way with the whole thing. Now that it has.... it is so much more beautiful then anything than you could of ever imagined.
If you would of been asked to con jour up the whole thing way back when you would of missed the mark by so much.
So I am glad that they time has passed.... and this thing is right in front of me and so right.  Just like it was supposed to be... and thank what ever gods may be that I am here to see it.

Four Years.

Hey Everyone...
So yesterday I had 4 years of sobriety... this last year has gone by pretty fast. I had a pretty great day yesterday with friends...
I started this blog to be an essential part of my recovery. I remember early on in my recovery, like 2 weeks in, I wrote down a list of goals. One of them was to start this blog. It took me a little bit of time to do it... but I did. I am glad that I started it... because it will be a written record of how I felt on any given day in my recovery. My blog posts are fewer and farther between... but they sever the same purpose...  To chronicle the way that I am feeling on any given day.
Yesterday was a good day...

AA Infograph.

Hey everyone... Just saw this and you know how much I love infographs... Also check out this site also.. http://www.rehab-programs.org/



Courtesy of Rehab Programs. Designed by Dawn Shepard

Hope.... is the opposite of fear.

Sometimes you have to just sit back and marvel in the pure genius of the whole thing. I have to remember that my Higher Power's plan is so much better then the plan that I have for myself. That I have to really just get out of the way and feel it. There are things that right there in front of me.
This is a really great weekend for me.. or at least it has been so far.

I hung out with a friend of mine that is in the program.. someone that is very very close to me in sobriety time. Like the closest person that I know. We got sober right at the same time.

We went to a morning meeting that takes place every Sunday.. but the real amazing thing about this meeting where it takes place..... right in the middle of a redwood forest, down the beautiful California Coast, in Big Sur. In this place if you have any qualms about the existence of something greater then yourself... they really go right out the window.

This meeting's topic was Hope. Something that is near and dear to my heart. Something was said by someone there, Fear is the opposite of Hope. I knew that, but It amazes me how much I forget it. That was i have in front of me is Hope, when all there used to be was fear.

Being comfortable in my own skin... and with other people. Pure Gold. I love this life. Love my Sobriety.

I take a moment.. to remember all of those who serve this country. Wherever they are... and I don't care the reason that they are.. they are.  To those that have died to protect the country that I love.

I take a moment to think about all of those who are still out there... searching for something..  anything to change. Just like me over 2 years ago.
  Happy Memorial Day...

When All Else Fails

When all else fails I need to remember that my higher power loves me and that I need to be grateful. I live in a beautiful place that not many others live in. I live in a place that others dream all of their lives to live in. And really this is where I ended up. Sucks to be me, I know.
I live by the ocean. On the left side of the country... I get to see the water everyday.. After my morning meeting I usually drive along this really pretty road in my town. I call this drive my "God Drive". It's something that came from my first sponser when I was first getting sober. We drove down by the ocean and we looked out onto the water and realized that there had to be a God because there were things in the sea that would eat us. And really the name stuck for me. I make the drive a part of my day when I have the time after my meeting.
Like in some of my earlier posts I wrote about how I get kind of funky sometimes.... Well this morning I was getting kind of funky so I decided that I was going to go on my God Drive and I really am glad that I did.


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Location:Scenic Rd,Carmel,United States

Hope...

Now that I think about it...I never really even thought of the concept of the word hope...it really is such a great word. It is something that I now have a little more understanding of...hope...
Looking at the future....differently. Like there is something to look at now. Something to look forward to...like there is something to feel good about. Everything just seems different....much brighter...
I