Four Years.

Hey Everyone...
So yesterday I had 4 years of sobriety... this last year has gone by pretty fast. I had a pretty great day yesterday with friends...
I started this blog to be an essential part of my recovery. I remember early on in my recovery, like 2 weeks in, I wrote down a list of goals. One of them was to start this blog. It took me a little bit of time to do it... but I did. I am glad that I started it... because it will be a written record of how I felt on any given day in my recovery. My blog posts are fewer and farther between... but they sever the same purpose...  To chronicle the way that I am feeling on any given day.
Yesterday was a good day...

A Day for the Ages..

Today was one of those days.. and I don't really know why. It really started off just the way that any other day would..  I had somethings that had to be done around the house.. Oh, did I mention that my roommate and I are moving. Yes we are moving.. we have been in our place just about a year..and the owner of our house is selling the house. Thats how God wants it.. thats how it goes.. Today was a moving day... so I got  to hang out with my roommate's family.. they were helping us move all of our stuff and I was very thankful for that.. but its what happened when I was in the process of going through some of my old stuff that was to shake the first part of the day.... I looked down on the ground.. and was looking right at a little unopened baggie of fucking cocaine. I couldnt believe it.. i stared at it for a long second, and I kept telling myself that there was no way that it was what i thought it was... but it was. I promply flushed it right down the toilet. And went along with my day.. but I had no idea just how a bag of coke got into my room. I dont even remember the last time that I bought cocaine was.. I think that right at the end of my drinking i was trying to buy cocaine from someone..  but there it was... and now, its gone..
Then after that I was just in a pretty negative mood, I could feel alot of fear just building around me. And I tried to say a prayer, for God to take it away from me.. I let it go.. but then took it right back later in the evening while I was at work. I let some things just get to me, all of the same feelings of inadequacy were right there. They really didnt feel that good. I felt uncomfortable, I could feel my face getting red and hot.. and I just wanted to leave. I got the chance to and i did. Now I am writing this in my blog and I am feeling a bit better.
Lately the fear has been creeping in.. and I am almost to 2 years. i think that I should be going to a meeting tomorrow.. very much so. Thanks everyone for being part of my strength and part of the solution. Because there is a solution today..