Want to Know a Secret.

It;s so very amazing just how my Higher Power works in my life. I can never really get my head around it but I know that it is what is supposed to be happening.

A couple of weeks ago I was thinking about my early sobriety... and just what it all meant to me. The way that it made me feel and the things that it made me do to keep it. That gift of desperation that I had was the very thing that vivid and sharp for me. For me, now and then, to drink is to die.

I was thinking of ways that I could recapture that urgency that I felt then... but there really wasn't any way to do that short of taking a drink. There was no way that I was going to do that.

Well, my Higher Power just gave me exactly what I wanted... and I didn't have to take a drink.

This works in so many mysterious ways. I can never even begin to grasp what my Higher Power has in store with me. I do know that it is going to be a very wild and interesting ride.  As if it hasn't been already.

The End of Day One. Back to Basics

Its so crazy to me how when I am comfortable and things are all good I really drift away from the program. I guess that I think that I have something to substitute for it. When the going gets tough and I really need it, it's there.
I know that when all else fails I have my program as my foundation. I went to a meeting tonight and heard from some people who were going through some similar situations as I am. they may neot be the exact situations, but they involve the same feelings. Its always great to get another perspective on things.
Someone said to me, "Do something for yourself." The really funny thing is I have that tattooed on my arm. It was something that a very good, old friend and I have tattooed on ourselves. Today I went and did a little retail therapy, and bought a new hat. It is something that I like to do to make myself feel better.
I have no idea what is going to happen with this whole thing. I don't know where it is going to end up, but I know that I am going to get there.

AA Infograph.

Hey everyone... Just saw this and you know how much I love infographs... Also check out this site also.. http://www.rehab-programs.org/



Courtesy of Rehab Programs. Designed by Dawn Shepard

No One has the Right.

Ok people.. I have to say that I have not been the biggest Lady Gaga fan in my life... but I do have to say that there is something to be said for artists that use their celebrity for something that is good. I really don't have any patience or tolerance for anyone that bullies someone for the way that they are. When I was in high school I was bullied... but not because I was gay, but because I was small.
I have to admit that when I was in high school I hadn't been exposed to many different people. I was living in a town in Southern California.. and my head hadn't been cracked open by San Francisco yet... I didn't know the difference.. There were a couple of gay kids that were in my high school and they were picked on mercilessly by people in my school. I really wish that when I was younger I would of been one of the people that stuck up for them.
Well... here is a pretty awesome performance by Lady Gaga... she is singing about Jamey Rodemeyer.. a 14 year old that committed suicide after years and years of bullying. Here is a link to a story about Jamey
Good Night everyone...

Its a Good Day...

Today is a great day... and I can feel it. It is different then any other day that I have had before.. and I know that you ask why..Why is this day so much different?
Today is my 30th birthday... and I am sober and alive. Never thought that I would ever be sober on my 30th birthday.. If you would of told me on my 25th that I was going to be sober at 30... i would of laughed my ass off..
but here I am. 30 years of age.. looking at the years in front of me with complete awe and wonder. I like feeling this optimism. I used to wonder what optimism felt like. I tried to manufacture it with outside things never know that all that I needed was inside of me the whole time. I was the one that had to let it out. I was the one that had to let it be seen by all... and most importantly myself.  i love what I see...

Apples and Oranges..

It is quite a beautiful day where I am... I have the whole day off and I am really getting alot out of the sun. I had quite the day yesterday. It started out with me being late to work for the first time ever. That was really fun, but hey it was the first time. and it was totally 100% my fault. I totally forgot to check Mr. iPhone before i went to sleep.. i think that my mind was somewhere else... I woke up with plenty of time.. I was going though my morning thing. getting ready to get some coffee and get on the internet machine.. and I got a text from a co-worker... asking me where i was. I am very very appriciative of this friend.. because she saved me from alot of headache.. so that is that. one point.. first one ever. everyone else has them.. and that is going to be my last.. no more assuming my schedule.
work was good.. but I really needed a meeting. and thank God for my Wednesday night mens meeting.. I couldnt wait to get there... and the meeting didnt disappoint. Someone that I really respect was the chair... and I got alot out of it.. exactly what i needed... then at the end. Someone spoke up.. and wanted to let everyone know about something that had happened to his son the night before.. he was found in a ditch, face down, choking on his own vomit... an angel saw all of this from across the street and ran over and turned him over.. saving his life. he went to the hospital.. and had a blood alcohol level of .4. he almost died... and got really scared in the process... the dad went to thank the lady yesterday.. and she had a 4 foot statue of St. Francis in her front yard... and my friend asked me if i would take his son to his first meeting, thats fucking awesome.
i left the meeting feeling full of life and loving this gift called sobriety.. and i was getting worried about a friend of mine. who i hadnt talked to in quite awhile. I needed to check in for me.. and i totally admit that. I need it. I ended up going into "old school richie" mode for a second and took somethings the wrong way. i feel that make progress everyday.. and then sometimes i revert back to old behavior not really meaning too.. until it happens.. i see my part in all of it. I guess i can thank the process of my 4th step for that..
when it is all said and done.. i am exactly where i am supposed to be. i have everything in front of me.. life, friendship, my sobriety, my future...
when i take a step back.. and look at the whole picture. I am quite fortunate for where i am at. even with the ups and downs.. such is life. and i get to be here for all of it.

next.

It has been one of those weeks. One of those weeks that is really what I live for.. now. It is a week of ups and of downs. Of my heart pulling me one way and then pulling me the other. that is what life is.. for me. Just watching the time go by.. and really loving what I see. I know that there are some really big things that are in front of me. Some very very bright things that are on the horizon..
I really can't wait to go see a couple of friends of mine in Portland in the middle of next month. Its something that I am really looking forward too.. I really never had anything to look forward to in the past.. other then going to SF to see the people that I care about. That really dosent happen that often anymore. Things have changed.. and I am changing with them, I guess. I do miss the old times. But i know that what is happening now is what is supposed to be happening. I am just looking forward to whats ahead. and thats a good way to feel.