Punched in the Gut.

Wow. Have you ever just felt like you have been punched in the gut. Not by a fist.... but by another persons actions. Well.... that is what has just happened to me. Someone that I though that I was going to build a life with has just broken my heart. This just happened, just about 20 minutes ago. So this is all still pretty raw.
Thank God that I have my recovery and sobriety. Thats all that I can think of right now. Lessons that I have learned in the rooms are coursing through my brain right now. I can just see peoples faces and hear other peoples words right now. It almost like when people that are in the military say that their training just kicks in... and they are on auto pilot. Thats how I feel right now. Auto-pilot.

I know from what  have learned in recovery.. that I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now. I don't know why I am here... but I know that this is where I am supposed to be, and it sucks. I know that my higher power has a plan for me... and that plan is way better then anything that I could of designed.

One thing that I have learned, just in the last couple of minutes is that I will try not to rest on my laurels with the next person who gets my heart. I will not just sit by and think that everything is alright... when there may be some communication that is necessary.

I know that I am going to feel the range of emotions over the next couple of weeks... and I know that I will be writing them down here. It is the one place that I have always been able to express myself... and air out my feelings.
One thing that is really amazing to me is how tired that I have gotten... just over the past couple of minutes. It really takes a toll on me.... I will talk to you all soon.. stay tuned.