Sitting in it..

If someone would of told me that every thing was going to change I
would of said...no way. I couldnt see anyway past what I had made for
myself. I felt that I was destined to be stuck In the same spot forever.
Last night I was watching an episode of intervention. The guy was
drinking the exact way that I did. Drinking to pass out, drinking to
cope, drinking to forget...basically drinking to die. It was the love
of his little daughter that really snapped him out of his rutt. I
think that it was family that really was the thing that made me
realize what I was doing..and the people that I was really putting
through hell.
I think that the most painful drives I have ever taken was with my
brother going back down to treatment after my relapse. I felt like a
kid that had gotten in trouble with a parent. The shame and disgust
was written all over his face. And I really didn't get it. I was
really only concerned with myself and what was going on with me.
So this holiday season I am really excited to go home and be with my
family. The most excited I have ever been for the holidays since I got
really big expensive presents..I have gotten a much more valuble
present this year.