Possibilities.

When I come downtown and there are alot of people around it just makes me think of all of the positive things in my life. Sometimes I seem to be seeing things from a place of fear. I know that it's not good for me to be coming from a place of fear. It's never good. When I am seeing what I am seeing now... It makes me feel good about things. I am much better for myself when I am positive.

Things that I don't need to understand.

I had a really great holiday. I got to see my family and all of the great things that happen when I am with them. I drove almost 800 miles over the course of 3 days, but it was well worth it. The drive was really nice because it gave me a chance to thing about somethings.

There has been a lot of things that have been going on in my life over the past couple of months. Major things have happened to me.... and I am just trying to get somethings sorted in my head. Long drives with great music help... sort things out. 

One of the awesome things that happened while I was down there was me seeing my best friend from high school. There are very few people that I keep in contact with from my days at Ventura High School.... let alone communicate with on a regular basis. Joe is the exception to this rule... we have been in contact pretty much constantly since we graduated high school. He is one of those people that I don't think I will ever not be in contact with over my lifetime. When ever we talk, and we haven't talked in awhile we are right back with each other... like we never missed a beat. He is getting ready to go around the world helping to do good. He is going to be building schools, teaching english, ministering... pretty much anything that needs to be done, he is going to do. Thats the kind of guy that he is. He gave up a really high paying job just to do something that is meaningful. Thats awesome. 

The other thing that is on my mind tonight is something that really throws me off.... Something that really perplexes me. Someone in my past that I love very much decided a couple of months ago just to stop talking to me all together... and I really don't know why. We were in communication with each other and everything was seeming fine, and then just one day.... it stopped. I know that she is ok because she is active on social networks and the such.. she just doesn't want to talk to me. Its just really strange to me, because it has never happened to me before. No one has really ever stopped taking to me all together.... ok, maybe there is someone else out there that doesn't talk to me. I know that I did something wrong with that situation... and i made a amends. 

Well everyone.... thanks for listening. Talk to you soon.
Oh yeah....today is 1400 days clean. 1400! Wow that is nuts. This time 4 years ago I was in a coma... times and attitudes change.... 

A Very Merry Christmas.

Happy holidays to everyone out there. This time of year I always have to think about where I was about 4 years ago at this time..... And that was in the hospital in a coma. I am grateful for everyday that I have in recovery.. Which is a couple thousand and counting. Much love to everyone. Keep the faith

I kind of want to throw up.

I have this pit in my stomach. Today is not going to be a good day. I wish that I could explain it all out to you but right now I just can't. My whole body is tired... and all that I want to do is sit down. I could just go back to sleep and try to just sleep through all of this. But it is something that I just can't sleep through. It is part of my life. I have to feel what I am feeling. Even though I really don't like it. My life is just not all peaches and cream.
Im feeling sick. I don't like it. I want it to go away.

Sunday Night.

AA Infograph.

Hey everyone... Just saw this and you know how much I love infographs... Also check out this site also.. http://www.rehab-programs.org/



Courtesy of Rehab Programs. Designed by Dawn Shepard

No One has the Right.

Ok people.. I have to say that I have not been the biggest Lady Gaga fan in my life... but I do have to say that there is something to be said for artists that use their celebrity for something that is good. I really don't have any patience or tolerance for anyone that bullies someone for the way that they are. When I was in high school I was bullied... but not because I was gay, but because I was small.
I have to admit that when I was in high school I hadn't been exposed to many different people. I was living in a town in Southern California.. and my head hadn't been cracked open by San Francisco yet... I didn't know the difference.. There were a couple of gay kids that were in my high school and they were picked on mercilessly by people in my school. I really wish that when I was younger I would of been one of the people that stuck up for them.
Well... here is a pretty awesome performance by Lady Gaga... she is singing about Jamey Rodemeyer.. a 14 year old that committed suicide after years and years of bullying. Here is a link to a story about Jamey
Good Night everyone...

Good Evening San Francisco

Beautiful Everyday Feeling

Today was another incredible day in San Francisco. It seemed like I got a lot done today. I had the day off and I wasn't going to waste it just hanging out in bed. I decided that I was going to go out and about and live a beautiful sober day in the City that I love.  One of the great things that I get to do these days is look at this beautiful thing almost everyday on my way to work... I took this picture and it is one of the best pictures that I have ever taken. It pretty much captures many of the things that I love about this bridge.. The people, the fog... and most importantly... the feeling.

Another Perfect Day of Life

Just wanted to try this new app out. Looks good

Home Again

Hello there everyone. I just wanted to share this with you. So I am back in the City that I love. I am back in the City that changed my life... a couple of times. I am also in the City that gave me my bottom. I have returned a much changed person... and the City has changed while I was gone. Seems like this place that I love is so much brighter now then it ever has been before. I am seeing so many new things that I never really could see before. Maybe it is like seeing the City for the first time again. I feel sometimes that I have the wonder of a tourist the first time that they ever see the Golden Gate Bridge.
All that I know is that I have grown so very much in the past couple of years... and I have my recovery to thank for it. The major credit has to go to my God... (my idea of a higher power). Really I didn't do that much... I just held on tight for the ride.
I am home again... seeing all of the great things that I get to see.

Places and Things

So I am finally moving. Really moving back to San Francisco. Well right now I still have a little over a week before I 100% will be back in SF.... but I am almost there. I officially have moved out of my house in Carmel. It was a really good house and I loved the people that I lived there with... but it is behind me. I will miss my roommate Renee very very much. I am so glad that she was there because I really dont know what I would of done without her. She is moving back to the Bay Area also... So it is kind of a homecoming for her also.

For me I am just very ready for all of this to be over. It almost is... There are alot of things that I am going to miss about the Monterey Bay Area. This is the place that I was given the gift of sobriety... shown the light of day. 

Sometimes I forget..

Sometime I forget that I am an alcoholic... I mean, not that I want to drink. I think that I am over the whole drinking thing. I don't see myself ever drinking again.. ( or atleast not drinking today). What I am talking about is all of the alcoholic tendencies that I have. These are the old behavior patterns that  I have always had. The reason that I drank in the first place. The resentments that are swirling around me all of the time.
I hadnt been to a meeting in over a month. Maybe over two months I really don't know, but I went to one last week. Everytime that I do go to a meeting I know that is where I am supposed to be. That is the thing that makes me different then others that I know. I have AA with me in my life, because I am an alcoholic. I am proud that I am an alcoholic because it gives me somewhere to go.
I went to a meeting tonight... and I am so glad that I did. One of my friends had gone out about 4 days ago.. and was back in.  I remember during my first year of recovery, when someone went out I would get mad and resentful.. I would think to myself, "how could you go out, you know what is out there. Don't you see how good it is in here." Now, over 3 years later... I am so glad that if they went out... that they are back in, and not dead.

Mario's Story

I am starting to use this forum as a place to document my daily life and what it has become since I have gotten into recovery. A very large part of that has been in caring about many more things other then myself.
I love documentaries... I absolutly love them. They make me think, they make me wonder... and they make me cry. An example of one that made my cry was this one. It's called Mario's Story. The trailer is below...

Good Night People..

Good night everyone... I leave you with this song.. I love Little Dragon, and I love this song. Everything will be alright. I know it.

Just keep swimming...

My life never ever ceases to amaze me.. all of the things that I have. The things that I always used to think that I had. Now when I just sit back and look at what I have now... its simply amazing.
Even when there are some things that come along and make me really frustrated... for some reason I have been keeping a positive attitude.... There are somethings that are happening in my life right now, that would of thrown me into a tizzy..

I'm trying to move back to San Francisco... I have been planning it for almost a year now. I just really think that it is the right time for me to get back the the City that I love. My girlfriend is there... so my heart is there. I thought that I had a great plan...but God seemed to have other plans. All of my perfectly laid plans... just kind of got crumpled up and handed back to me. I know that it is not the end of the world.. and that the sky isn't falling down around me. I just have to keep swimming..

Guilty Pleasure

So this one of my guilty pleasures... but I think that it really hits the nail on the head....

Saw an awesome movie...

Its called "The Way"
I really like it because of the way that it makes me feel about life... The time that I have, and the time that I have spent. Following and loving with my heart.

The Way - Trailer. Watch more top selected videos about: St james, Munich

Check it out here...The Way

Together.

Thought this was perfect.

Like it Never Happened.

Hey everyone... Im back. I moved to wordpress.... and how I am moving back. I just had way more fun over here on blogger. I dont really care what anyone says about either of them. I just want to interact with some other people that are moving their way through life... the same as I am.

So I am glad to be back... I think that I am going to be getting a domain soon also. I just want this to be easy... and I dont want to be afraid to write here. I dont want that old darkness that I knew to creep in and shut this whole experiment down...
So here I am... pretty much a year later. Good to see ya.