I know that everythings going to be alright

I have this feeling that everything is going to be alright...and even
if it isn't. I'm not alone.
And that is all the difference in the world.
Have a beautiful sober day..

Happy Birthday to Me...

I had my first sober birthday in a very long time..like since I can remember. The history of my birthday has been one that was soaked with alcohol...
I found that the greatest thing that happened to me on this birthday was all of the love and support from everybody thats around me. It really makes me realize the importance that my life plays in the lives of others...that my life really does make a difference.
Towards the end of my drinking...I really didnt see a reason for me to go on. i know now that this was the alcohol tainting my life...but the only way that I can describe the way that i was thinking was...sickness.
Another year has come to me...and this is a very different one. This is going to be a year of clarity..and a year of differences...

I am always coming back to the word...gratitude
I am so glad that I am sober...and that my higher power has given me what he has given me. and all of the people that he has given to me..I can't imagine my life any other way. especially the way that it was..

Getting out of my own way

It's really amazing how life just happens around you..and how much
more beautiful it is when you're sober. Everything still happens but
the difference is..is that you are present for it this time around.
I'm sitting here, waiting for a friend of mine to pick me up so I can
be on time to work. I can actually be a places when I say I'm going to
be there. People know that I'm being honest and can be relied upon.
They know that I'm not trying to avoid subjects by deflecting
them...or lying about them.
I like being that guy. I've always wanted to be that guy...I always
"tried" to be that guy... The key word in that statement is "tried."
Now I don't have to try..I just am.

Days of Grace

So I had another beautiful example of how much my life has changed in the last months. I chaired a meeting that i really truly love this morning. I was floored that I was even given the oppertunity to do it. When I was asked by the secratery I really could'nt believe it...
So this morning...I sat in front of a large group of people that I really respect and shared about a passage that I had chosen in the Big Book...It was all centered around my quest for acceptance and for true relationships...All through my life, from when I could earliest remember...
Through trying to get attention from my father who wasnt there, or from my mother who was using, or from slinging drinks from behind a bar...i just wanted someone there. And I never could find it...so i tried to find it the only way that I knew how...booze.
Then when that didnt work for me anymore....and almost killed me I turned to a group of strangers. And these strangers where there for me...with an amount of resolve and expertise that I would of never imagined. This was the group that would become my family..this was the group that would save my life....
A very close friend of mine asked me a couple of days ago....Don't you just love our new family??
I think that it summed it up very nicely...

It's coming..I know it

It's coming..I know it

So I think I'm doing everything right..being as avaliable as I can.
Learning and helping as much as I can.
I'm really practicing patience as much as I can.
I know that this is shaky ground for me in the past...my pride kicks
in and I start to get resentments. Start to take things personal...
Eventhough I know that in this situation I know they are not.
I just get frustrated when I'm putting alot of myself into
something...and I'm not seeing the return. I know that they are just
around the corner.
I just have to have faith. And know that this is where I'm supposed to
be.

What?? And miss all this..

What?? And miss all this..

I just really can't believe how close I did get to losing it all..I
mean at the time I really thought that I had lost everything..so the
next progression, I thought, was death. But now I am so very grateful
to have learned that I truly didn't lose it all.
I still had my life. No matter how bad it got. I was still breathing.
Barely.
Like today for instance...I had a couple of friends that I used to
work with in the City call me at 6am to get my opinion on
something..they were still at the bar. And they knew that the only
sober person that they knew that would be up at 6am (thank you Good
Morning Carmel) was me. At first I was kind of annoyed with the
call...but I thought about it for a minute. I was the only SOBER
person they knew that would be up that early. Yes I am.
Now..I'm waiting for the bus. Watching the leaves begin to change in
the trees of Carmel-by-the-Sea. Feeling the wind gently blow against
my face. Realizing how lucky I am to be alive. And to be surrounded by
the people that I am.

Have you ever had something happen to you that feels so right?? But
you really don't have anything to compare it to..something like this
has never really happened to you before. Buy you know that it's
supposed to be happening. It's happening to me...

Have a beautiful day all.